Yesterday was the first day of classes. It wasn’t as rough as I expected it to be, but it was definitely no cake walk either. I can tell that the students are good kids, but they can also be rowdy and indifferent. This is a dangerous combination for me since, while I have a list of strict-sounding rules, discipline is not my strongest area. As I was explaining to another volunteer who tried to assuage my uncertainty, it’s hard to feel like you’re making any kind of a difference when you’re met with laziness, disruption, and apathy. It doesn’t help that Ki, Xavier’s latest Sapukian thief, ran around all day stealing things from the classrooms which seems futile since there is hardly anything in them to steal. I taught five classes today, and in only one room was there a desk for me. There was no chalk in any of the rooms and most of the students’ desks are falling apart. There aren’t enough books to go around, so students have to share, even for homework. I tried to accentuate the need for discussion, community, and questioning in my classes, but the general consensus is that speaking up (to answer questions) is not very popular. Micronesians are brought up thinking that answering questions in class or raising your hand is indicative of arrogance and showing off. Eye contact and individualization are discouraged, as is initiative. As such, they work well together in groups and with direct memorization, but have a difficult time formulating their own opinions and critically thinking about things. Inference and analysis are not strong for Micronesians, and impatience can be tempting. What IS frustrating is the sense of laziness and apathy I sometimes feel from the students. I’ve heard that the students love to be at Xavier, but hate to be in class. I already have very little idea what I’m doing, so getting a vibe of indifference makes what I have to do even more difficult. So far I feel like a very boring and unpopular teacher – the work I give seems to be too hard for them and they don’t understand a lot of the concepts we go over more than once. Getting them to speak up is like pulling teeth, though the lack of vocal responses doesn’t necessarily point to a lack of interest since they aren’t socialized to learn that way... but this is hard for me to come to terms with as a person who grew up in a culture where competition is key. Just as unfamiliar to me is the Micronesian way of responding to questions asked directly to them. Micronesians focus a lot of communication in their facial expressions. A raise of the eyebrows, in a manner Americans might construe as confusion or a bad attitude, simply means “yes.”

A lot of Chuukese customs are unfamiliar to me. Some boys (I think Yapese) get up from sitting every time I walk past them. It seems like an out-of-date tradition to westerners, but it actually has a completely different connotation. Women’s souls are said to be stronger and so if men remain seated when a woman walks by, men fear that their soul will get crushed. This has origins in Micronesian matriarchal tradition it’s almost a shame to watch it undergo a kind of demise at the hands of Westernization. Matriarchy in Micronesia has been compromised but not completely quelled. One of the Micronesian staff here says that Micronesian women are often taught to suck it up, though most of them are the silent stronghands of the family. This is a strange dichotomy, but one I’m very eager to observe once I get a host family.

I’m trying to get more integrated into Chuukese culture, but it’s difficult at Xavier which is such a Westernized haven. I’m learning little things everyday though – this past weekend, I learned how to grind coconut in order to make the milk. It’s basically done by sitting on a square stool that has a metal claw-like tool sticking out of it and scraping in a particular fashion. I thought I was pretty good at it until I watched someone who really knew what they were doing and had it finished in less than half the time. Additionally, I AM in search of a host family to take me in on some weekends. Xavier is so entirely different than the rest of Chuuk, yet also vastly different than most American schools. The boys stay in a dorm while the girls commute everyday from host families in town. The boys wake up every day around 6 to do “morning glory” – manual labor around campus. Physical punishment is encouraged (not corporal punishment like hitting, more like running laps or being put on Saturday labor). Students are given push-ups or jumping jacks for using profanity, or “disrespectful language” or even by speaking their own languages (for various reasons I don’t fully agree with, being a anthro-linguistics major, English is the only language allowed on campus). What’s most shocking to me is observing how well the boys accept their punishments and required manual work. Except at boot camp, I can’t visualize American students being expected to or consenting to perform this kind of work while at school. The purpose is two-fold – there isn’t enough money to pay for more day workers , and the general consensus is that the students at Xavier need to be humbled. Often you’ll hear how spoiled the Pohnpeians are or how bratty the Palauan kids can be, but it’s hard for me to imagine any of these students actually being spoiled in the way I conceive of the word. There is so little, even on Pohnpei, to be spoiled with.

Despite generalizations made about certain islanders, the valences of power and privilege are most often attributed to white people. It’s a whole different perspective being viewed as exotic – people stare at you wherever you go, children follow you, excited and wanting to talk to you, people smile and wave and wonder about you like you’re a celebrity which is honestly how it feels sometimes. Whiteness is not only rare, it is valuable often constructing westerners as people who would be important friends and easy targets. While most islanders find white people both striking and fascinating, in different ways, violence is also often centered around westerners. I’ve been in the midst of Filipino dart shooters – people who shoot hooked darts at their victims. This is one reason white people are discouraged from going out at night, another is robbery. White people are automatically assumed to have more, which is usually true. While most violence is not directed at white people (probably because there are so few of us here and clan/gang violence is the most prevalent kind), being white makes you stand out (so much so that upon seeing a westerner I didn’t recognize in town, I asked another volunteer “who’s that white guy?”) which can be both a positive and a negative thing. After an entire life of being the majority and the default, being one of the very few white people on Chuuk makes you reconsider your worldview. To have people stare at you and children follow you around (sometimes expecting candy or some change) is something that’s so shocking for me. The difference is, while most definitely in the minority, you are still assumed to have the upper hand in many ways. Tonight we had a faculty meeting, just for the white volunteers (American and Australian) in which we were asked to try and tone ourselves down because we were overwhelming the Micronesian faculty and students. It’s such an egocentric thing not to be conscientious of the people whose land you inhabit, but this is also such an American thing – even more so when you realize that you didn’t even notice this was going on. Like in many places around the world, whiteness is a commodity as well as a forceful identity. While out in the Mortlocks (islands outside the reef) this summer, Stephanie got a tan and was genuinely asked “won’t your mother be mad for making your skin ugly?” This type of thinking is both so foreign to us, since tanning in considered a form of aesthetics, but simultaneously, and paradoxically, not far off from how we think of ourselves – as superior and culturally omniscient just by virtue of our westerness and our whiteness.