First half: fin.

(This first photo is me with one of my best students, Sinclair. The second is me with a few of the carolers from Tol.)

This past week has probably been one of the most hectic I’ve had so far at Xavier. Final exams began on Tuesday, so both faculty and students were going crazy trying to prepare. I think my finals were relatively easy (maybe TOO easy!) – for the most part, the students finished pretty early and did really well. I mostly stuck with objective questions since they are easiest to grade! :) I also told the students they were free to evaluate my class on the back on their exams. Some of their notes to me were really funny, others were really touching. Here are just a few of them:

Sophomores:
From Sanchez:
Dear Ms. Lydia,
Merry Christmas and a happy new year! You are one of the most beautiful and intelligent teachers I have ever had! Hope 2 c u next semester
LOVE Sanchez
PS looking forward to learning more about other civilizations, especially the Chinese dynasties. That is my favorite out of all cultures.

From Myova:
Dearest Ms. Lydia,
I hope this letter finds you in good condition. Just wanna write to wish you a merry Christmas and advance Happy New Year. It’s a pleasure having you as a teacher. Your class is totally awesome. Like… I never get bored like when I do in the other classes. I’ve been struggling to pass SS class. I thought I wouldn’t get a D but it’s my own fault. I’ll try my very best next semester to get a better grade than this and I’m sorry. I still like your class and you’re still my best teacher Ms. Lydia O’Connor! Ha ha! Lyk 4 reals! So yeah – have fun on your Christmas break and I’ll see you next year. God bless!
With love and care
Mymy_Jury Maram 96
I LOVE U!

From Lyra:
Dear Ms. Lydia,
It’s been a great semester! Thank you for all the good times and for teaching us interesting stuff. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

From Lyma:
Merry Xmas! And happy 2010!
We love and will miz u muah!
Thx 4 everything you’re a great teacha!

From David:
Ms. Lyd,
This test is badass!
-The Great Lelet

From Laura:
I LUV HISTORY!
Thanx 4 a fun semester and have a merry xmas
And tell your brother the tempchix say hi! LOL

From Judina:
MS. LYDIA YOU ROCK! JUDINA LOVEZ YOU!

From Skylynn:
Hey mommy! Happy holidays! See ya next year! LOVE YAH! I’ll miss yah! Enjoy Guam!

From Alex:
Merry X-mas Jera (Marshallese for best friend)! Hope you enjoy your first Christmas in the Micronesia. Thank you for a fun and exciting semester. Please teach us again next semester… Anyways, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! God Bless!

From Andy:
I LOVE U MS. LYDIA!

From Tyrone:
Universal equation: T-Rod + Lyd = <3

From Jasmine:
You’re the most badazz teacher I’ve ever had! Thank you for everything you have taught me! By da way juz droppin by 2 wish u a Merry Xmas and Happy Advance New Year! I and yea say hi to your brother from me! … hehe… like 4 reals!! :)

Juniors:
From Harvest:
Hey Miss Lydia! You’ve been a great teacher throughout the whole semester. You ROCK big time! I wish you could be our teacher again for next semester

From Chris:
Dear Mama Dya:
You have been one of the greatest teachers I’ve ever had. I really like World History and I like the way you teach it. I like you being our teacher. I was pleased to be part of your class. I and the rest of the Argonautz wish that you would teach us some subject next semester.
World History class is a great class. I would like to thank you on behalf of the myself and the other Juniors. Thank you for the movies, games, jokes, laughter, and all those times we had together. Just want to wish you MERRY CHRISTMAS! ENJOY TO THE MAX! PEACE OUR
Love always, 0326

From Ben:
Thanks Ms. Lydia for the best Junior first semester class EVER. Merry Christmas and enjoy grading all these exams! Hehe

From Kalvin:
I do not have any complaints, comments, suggestions about your class because your class ROCKS. I love you!

From Roxanne:
Hey Mama Dia-Dia! …
Just spotting here 2 wish you an elated Christmas and a spicy New Year!! Hope you party hard but be careful! LOL Shake it!
Love always
Aiirox69

From Sinclair:
Merry Christmas to you my friend and Mama Dia. Enjoy your stay in Guam and have a nice new year… thanks for the badass semester and I will see you soon
Sin2 (is hot!)

From Lalo:
Ms. Butterfingers (lol)…
It was great having you… you kind of suck though for ditching us next semester… lol kidding!!!! ENJOY GUAM!
Love ALWAYS
Lalo

From Gayle:
Dearest Mammadya aka Mama Dia, Madya,
Thank you so much for the very fun semester!... it was nice having u as a teajer… have a pleasant Christmas break and may you always be filled with the spirit of joy wherever you are… Merry Christmas and Advanced happy new year!
Love always
Gayhalla234
1234 Reppin

From Correy:
Dear Ms. Beautiful Lydia,
I just want to wish you a Happy Holidays and enjoy your break!! Remember what I told you? … you’re my number one teacher and the most PRETTIEST teacher! I had fun learning in your class … may God bless you next semester!
Your boyfriend,
Correy A.

From Luan:
Hey Ms. Lydia
It was nice having you as a teacher. You rock! It’s always fun talking sazzy with you!! Hahahaha! Anyways, I don’t know why, but I’ve been failing your class. I remember 1st quarter, my grade as an A. Now it’s a C!!! and now that I’m gonna fail this exam, maybe my semester grade would be an F! tsktsktsk. Sorry for that. Anyway, Happy holidays! Hope you enjoy your Christmas break with a joyful heart!
Love always

From LeeRoy:
Sorry Lydia for being nukamach (naughty) in your class everytime you lecture!
Besides that, I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your class and it’s one of the most badass classes! We learn a lot! Hope you enjoy your Christmas vacation! Merry Xmas and Happy new year in advance! Just give me points please! If you give me extra credit, I will buy you dinner at Blue Lagoon! LOVE YOU FROM THE MIDDLE OF MY HEART!!!

From Omekar:
Dearest Ms. Lydia
Hi! I know I know! I should have done this extra credit essay but that would have prevented me from writing this letter to you!
I just wanna say thanks for your teaching and with gracing us with your presence. Thank you for being really understanding and patient, especially with the others (they are so childish! Haha)
I also want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hope you enjoy your break here in Chuuk!
So see you next time, and you see me next time.
Sincerely, Omekar
PS you are very pretty!

From Bridgette:
Dearest Ms. Lydia
I am writing this on my behalf…
I greatly thank you for a wonderful and enjoyable semester. Hope that you enjoy your vacation in Guam with your mother.
Thanx for being a badass teacher. Haha! Have a wonderful Christmas break/vacation and may God bless you…
Oh yeah! Don’t forget to PARTY HARD!!! But be safe and take care.
Merry New Year and Happy Christmas
With lots of love straight from my heart to yours,
Bridgette aka Byiddi 21

Seniors:
From Alex:
Miss Lydia,
Thanks for the great class. Honestly, Lit class is the best because you let us do fun stuff and I hope we have you again. It’s my favorite class because you teach us so many new things and help me think about things in different ways. Sorry if we misbehave in your class, but know that we all love you. Hope you enjoy your weekend and your Christmas break!!

You may or may not be wondering why they all use the word “badass.” This is one of the many “Xaverisms” frequently heard around campus. For the students, badass is not profanity – it’s as innocuous as saying “cool” or “wicked” or something to that effect. It’s become an acceptable word in class, and the students express confusion when new teachers at first scold them or look shocked that they use this word so frequently and in formal settings. It’s a second language word for most of them, so the connotation of being a swear word is not necessarily present. The same is true for certain Chuukese strong words such as “mwasa mwas” (an expletive like damn or shit) – for any students who are not Chuukese, this word has no negative meaning and doesn’t have any strong cultural significance. As such, it is also an expression used frequently around campus and sometimes in class whereas in Chuukese culture, this is not a word men would ever use around women and vice versa and one which would certainly not be used in a formal environment or in front of authority figures. Students also invent words like “pissifying” which just means annoying or agitating, as in “that exam was really pissifying.” English and certain Micronesian languages are often morphed by the students to create their own, unifying language system that bonds the incredibly diverse and linguistically fraught Xavier community together.
You might also be wondering why many of the students express hope that I’ll be back next semester to teach them. Sadly, students here have become accustomed to teachers coming and going – rarely does anyone stay beyond two years. Some teachers, like the Australians, leave in the middle of the school year so for the students, there is never any certainty who will teach their classes. But, with the exception of the juniors for whom world history is only one semester, I will be teaching all the same students the same subjects next semester.
Another interesting thing to note in these little letters is the use of nicknames. This, as well as some of the spelling and grammar, has a lot to do with the “gangster” culture with which many young Micronesians identify themselves. It’s interesting to see the aspects of Western culture that infiltrate and impact the styles and behaviors of youths on a more global scale. Even though hip hop and violent movies are not the only taste of Westernization young people in Micronesia have, I think the aggression and control associated with the gangster lifestyle gives many of them a feeling of power in the midst of powerlessness – poverty, unemployment, bad healthcare, substandard education, etc. Sadly, violence is often the result as gangs are prevalent in Chuuk, but even the students at Xavier who are not the perpetrators of violence still express a strong adherence to gangster culture. They draw mock teardrop tattoos under their eyes, almost exclusively listen to rap and hip hop, dress in conventionally “black” styles, create their own little groups and cliques with inventive names, and tag their homework, tests, desks, lockers, and clothing with their nicknames. They’ve given me various nicknames, and it’s generally some sign of belonging or inclusion – or importance.
Finally, what I thought was interesting is the interchangeability of some of the letters. In Gayle’s note for instance, she spells “teacher” “teajer.” This is because many Micronesian languages, including Chuukese, are traditionally unwritten languages and are really just starting to become standardized in terms of spelling. As a result, certain letters become interchangeable depending on the context, or even just the person who’s spelling them. One student’s nickname is Kijo. When I asked him if that’s spelled with a “j” or a “ch,” he replied that it didn’t matter – either way was fine. The same with “b” and “p” and for Chuukese speakers, “n” and “d.” I think that’s why students like writing in “internet language” so much because phonetic and ever-changing spelling is acceptable (i.e. spelling “like” “lyk”).

The last day of final exams was also the last day for the Australians. I haven’t felt that sad since I was leaving home. I think I took it the worst out of all the volunteers, maybe because they were the first friends I made in Micronesia and I associate them with feelings of comfort and relief after a long trip of anxiety and fear of what I was about to encounter. The Xavier students gave them a send-off on Tuesday by giving speeches and blessings in the student center, as is tradition. The day before they left, I tried to spend a little time with all of them, but it still didn’t necessarily feel satisfactory. The trip to the airport was emotional for everyone. I waited by the terminal until they all went in, dressed up in mar mars from their host families and students, and I wondered what they were feeling, and what I will feel when I leave. I’m not sure I’ll anticipate going home as much as I thought I would, not because I don’t miss it, but because this place will fade for me after I’m gone. I’ve already talked to Robin a few times on skype, and it still seems surreal that people who were always around me all the time for five full months are just suddenly gone. The attachments one can make in such a short period of time are astounding and unreal. Before they left, they packed up draft items for us (small, random things they leave behind that we are free to take). I’m now in possession of a large conch shell, an umbrella, a CD case, organic peanut butter and honey, some school supplies, a paper fan, a torn-up Australian flag, pairs of shorts, t-shirts, a koala keychain, and most importantly, a letter from Robin which meant the most. Visitors expressed some confusion as to why we would want these things and there’s really no answer other than that these are all iconic things we associate with close friends whom we spent every day with. Wearing their clothes and using their things, as mundane as those things might be, are small reminders of them – really the only things we have left of them. For me, the campus feels a lot more lonely, empty, and quiet, not helped by the fact that since school is out, I’m a lot less occupied. Guam is the next big thing on my list, and I need it to take my mind off the chaos of the end of this semester!

The day after the Australians left was the school picnic on Pisiwi, a small island in Chuuk lagoon. It wasn’t as nice or as aesthetic as Pisar, but it was still a beautiful island. The boat ride over was long and bumpy, but as usual the students kept me entertained. Much like on Pisar, the water was completely clear, and I combed the beach side looking for small shells and pieces of coral. We swam, snorkeled, ate local foods, and to the students’ mystification, I slept on the sand in the sun. Some of the Yapese students climbed coconut trees and husked them. Others played ukulele and guitar, built fires, and just generally relaxed. On the tent that had been set up by the senior boys the night before was the Yapese flag on which is a picture of a canoe and one of the Yapese students explained that the traditional, indigenous name for Yap is actually Waqab (Wab), but when white explorers came, they pointed to the flag asking what the name of the place was. The indigenous people thought they were pointing to a part of the canoe on the flag, which is called a yap, and so that’s the word they gave them, and that’s how the island became known as Yap. Between these cultural stories and having some of the students tutor me in Chuukese and Marshallese, I sometimes feel like I am learning more from them than they are from me.

The rest of the weekend has been quiet. Yesterday, a large group of children from Tol (another island in Chuuk) came to sing Christmas carols for us. The songs were unrecognizable to me, but they included a lot of singing and dancing. The enthusiasm that goes into ceremonies and celebrations is really unlike anything in the States, especially in regards to school children. We made lunch for them and let them play around campus. It was explained to us that this would probably be the biggest Christmas present they could receive. I’m not sure if that’s true or not, but they seemed to really enjoy performing, and enjoyed even more the chance to play basketball and volleyball and just run around with some of the Xavier boys. As difficult as it is to get into the conventional Christmas spirit in 90 degree weather surrounded by sand and palm trees, it’s not totally impossible to still garner the generosity and joy associated with the season. I hope the feeling lasts until Guam – only four days left!

This post is a monster. Apologies!

This past weekend was Xavier Day – a kind of field day event with games and competitions among Xavier students, faculty, and alumni. Not too many alumni were there – mostly younger people living in Sapuk or Penia. There were races and sporting events, and also things like eating competitions and water balloon tosses. I played a few games, joined the faculty basketball team, and ran some sprints and relays. I didn’t do too badly for someone who hasn’t really been involved in sports for a while. Of course, now I’m extremely sore, but it’s kind of a good feeling. It was really impressive to see how well the students work and bond together in the name of school spirit. They organized the entire day without any help from the faculty. They’re surprisingly resourceful and focused… when they want to be, of course. I took a lot of pictures, but I think I’m going to have to wait for Guam to upload anything – it takes a full free day to get anything online. At night, there was some dancing and a huge dinner of local foods like tapioca, crab, fish, and the freshly killed Xavier pig, which I didn’t eat. There were also six different kinds of cake and ice cream. I’m always really appreciative when the school goes all out for these kinds of things, but consequently we have had no money for food for the past two weeks. There’s been no milk, bread, or vegetables for over a week and we haven’t had breakfast for the past few days. If we eat well one day, it’s pretty much guaranteed that we won’t eat at all for a few days before and after. We also had no water last night or this morning – really only frustrating when you want to take a shower and relieve your body of all the dust and sweat.

Greg also came this weekend from Guam. He arrived on Friday for the dedication of the new student center and stuck around for a few games that we had. He left today for Pohnpei with the Micronesian superior. I actually didn’t get to see as much of him as I would have liked, but I’ll see him back in Guam in two weeks for Christmas. I can’t believe how quickly this semester flew by. This is the last week of classes before reviews and final exams start. I’m almost nervous for the semester to be over because the next one will be so different. New people, new schedules, maybe less students… and it will also be one step closer to leaving, which I’m not sure I want to do. Right now though, all I can think about is my huge to-do list of grading papers, typing study guides, and making final exams. Then of course I should also be shopping for some gifts at least, and writing return letters to my friends. There are just not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done I would like to!

I’m hoping everyone back home is enjoying the Christmas season. Even though it’s December, it doesn’t feel like the holidays at all. I’ve never been in hot, humid, summer weather during “winter,” so I don’t necessarily feel like Christmas is quickly coming. I really miss Christmas in NY – the tree at Rockefeller Center, the winter markets, snowfall, spending time with friends making cookies and wrapping presents. Thankfully I did all these things last year, knowing that this year I might not be around for one reason or another. It feels so unreal to be sweating in December, but like everything else here, once you get past the initial strangeness, it becomes completely normal and natural, and part of the routine

Last weekend was the staff retreat. Instead of going back to Pisar, which I would have preferred, we went to Blue Lagoon. It ended up working out since we were evidently on the outskirts of a typhoon, and it poured the entire weekend. We were stuck on the road for a few hours in Penia - the bus broke down and even though we were frustratingly close to Xavier, it took forever to get us up and running with another vehicle. While at the resort on Saturday, we did a couple of short “reflections” and played a staff bonding game (which the chick team won, of course!) but mostly just hung out on the porch drinking $.50 coffee and swimming in the rain off the resort’s beach, which was waveless and shallow. It was nice having a warm shower, but only because the rooms were treacherously cold with air conditioning, something I’m not sure I expected myself to think while living in Micronesia. We played cards, went to the bar, and then for another night swim in which the water was warmer than the air outside. Besides the resort breakfast, today was much like any Sunday – working and watching the weather from the porch while chatting or playing guitar. When there’s nothing specific to occupy your time, the days creep slowly by while the weeks are over in a flash.

On Tuesday night, it was my turn to lead porch prayer. I’m never crazy for forced or mandatory prayer, but I like having a time set aside each week to come together. I told a story about heaven and hell that Jonathon used to tell us every year at Arts Camp. I also recited a Shabbat prayer which I’m not sure our director was too happy with, but if working in a completely different country within a completely different culture teaches you anything, it should be to open your mind.

Thursday was Thanksgiving, a day I really missed spending with my family, especially since Xavier doesn’t do much to observe it. We had a ceremony for KDDI, a Japanese technology corporation that donated 22 new computers to us. Joyful’s father, the Chuuk Supreme Court Chief Justice, came to present the Japanese ambassador and KDDI representatives. The juniors sang the Japanese national anthem, and the rest of the school sang the FSM anthem. 22 computers will make a huge difference for our school, plus the ones we will eventually receive from NYU. Thanksgiving itself was nice – everyone ate turkey, pasta, mashed potatoes and stuffing. But no pie!! The food was good, and it was nice to be together, but obviously it wasn’t the same as being home with my family. Of course, it’s one step closer to the holidays though, which is a comforting thought. As quickly as time is flying by, it’s still hard to believe I have another semester here since all I’m anticipating is going to Guam – it feels like a homecoming since I’ll be with my family, even though I’ll still be so far away. Friends and family are already planning things for when I return. I know I’ll look forward to going home, but after seeing people come and go here, I also realize it will be a sad, surreal event to leave.

Today has been quiet. The power was out all day except for a couple of midday hours. I did some grading and chatting, and then Meg and I went to the Korean Research Center to visit our host dad for a few hours. We sat in lounge chairs drinking soda and talking as best with could with the language barrier. Getting off campus, if just for a little while, can be so relieving and refreshing. Mr. Kim invited us to go diving with him tomorrow, but there is so much to do now that we’re nearing the end of the semester that I’m not sure I can spare the time, as much as I wish that I could. Even still, I manage to put things off. Right now, I’m sitting on the porch with the cook, surrounded by the smoke of barbecue and watching the dusky sky rapidly churn into darkness. Yesterday I sat in this same spot drinking a coconut and looking out at a massive rainbow scan the entire length of the horizon, and darkened silhouettes of boys running around the field, or sitting in the rec house playing ukulele. I spend a lot of time sitting and thinking, or watching – which is how the Chuukese spend a lot of their time in general, but when I finally have to move, those periods of quiet always seem so rushed.

A note from my student

One of my students affectionately left this note on the back of her test paper, and it made me smile so I thought I'd share it:

Ms. Lydia/Mama Dia -
Sorry if I fail! thanx for the fun classes... we should play more games! and you should try wearing mumu's (Chuukese dresses) to class sometime! :)
love always, Gayhalla 234

She didn't fail, by the way. She got 97.
I'll try to update for real sometime this weekend.

Things have been quiet here at Xavier which is why I haven’t been writing as often. I’ve settled into a groove of teaching which occupies most of my time, and sadly I’m not able to experience as much of the culture as I’d like to. I’ll frequently take runs or drives into town where I’ll meet a few people, but generally, the Xavier community is isolated from the general population of Chuuk.

There are a couple of events coming up in the next few weeks. Greg is coming to visit in the beginning of December right after Xavier Day, a field day type event for the students where teams compete against each other in certain sports (I think mostly track/field and softball). I’m still unsure if teachers are involved or just kind of watch, but either way it will be interesting. Staff retreat was supposed to be last weekend, again on Pisar, but because of weather and general disorganization, it didn’t happen. It might be this upcoming Saturday into Sunday, but again, things like this are usually decided last minute. There seems also to be a general lull among a good portion of the faculty; relaxation and quiet time seems to now be a greater priority than traveling all over the place, which is fair. Trying to have adventures every weekend is an exhausting ambition, especially considering our weeks are anything but laid back. I did manage a journey to the Japanese Lighthouse last week with Tom and his family, who are currently visiting. It was a much easier and faster walk than up to Witipwon, but the view might be even more spectacular than it was from the mountain. As usual, my going was a snap decision and I didn’t have time to grab my camera which was a shame since it was a beautiful, but exceptionally hot day, and the panorama view from the lighthouse was extraordinary.

Although times have become a little more uneventful in some senses, we still fill the daylight hours with as much activity as possible. Yesterday we watched the first home game of the boys’ basketball team. Xavier games aren’t that popular since we only have a concrete, outdoor court, but Saram agreed to come up and play anyway. The game was close – the score was often only one or two points difference, but eventually, in overtime, Saram beat us 62-60. It was really fun to watch – this is the second time I’ve seen Xavier play – and even more fun to hear the spirit of the rest of the students; another aspect of Xavier Day to look forward to.
With only four more weeks left of classes, I’m getting more and more excited for Christmas vacation in Guam. I can’t wait to see my family, and maybe more so enjoy a relatively luxurious two weeks away. Part of me wishes my family could come to Chuuk and see where I’ve actually been living and meet the people I’ve been spending all my time with, but I can’t help the excitement of going somewhere new, and somewhere with amenities. A part of me is also eager to temporarily escape the tensions and lack of privacy that naturally come along with sharing space with a small group of people 24/7. I think I’ll appreciate everyone and everything more after being away for a little while – I’ll also be excited to meet all of the new volunteers coming in January!

I am sitting in my bedroom, currently listening to the chilling and murderously demonic screams of yet another Xavier tradition. The Halloween possession is taking place tonight. Halloween is generally not a huge deal on Weno, though strong American influence has rendered it somewhat familiar. Some stores hang Halloween signs, and a few people on the streets today were wearing wigs or other costume-ish things. It’s definitely more prevalent within “Xavier culture” as many of the students come from more developed areas like Palau and Guam – places more open to American lifestyles. No one goes trick or treating or necessarily dresses up, but each year the boys construct a haunted house throughout the campus and, like tonight, stage a demonic possession for the freshmen, who are ignorant of the fact that it isn’t real. The validity, or lack thereof, of this game might seem obvious to most westerners, but possession for Micronesians is a very real possibility for two main reasons. The first is that, unawares to me until a short while ago, the Catholic church still supports the idea that people can become possessed by the devil through things like the occult (Ouija boards, etc.) – arguably one of the more medieval and irrational ideas of Catholicism as most of the things considered “occult” or “satanic” are actually just relics of other religious traditions that were and are considered backward and harmful. To me, this sounds just as superstitious as any Micronesian tradition Xavier tries to weed out of the students, but apparently this is still a legitimate Christian belief that a now largely Christianized society is acculturated into. The second, probably more weighty reason is that possession is also an aspect of many island religions as well. Spirits, though not necessarily evil ones, inhabit the body putting its victim in a kind of trance. Sociologically, spirit possession has become more prevalent among Micronesian women, used as an outlet for self-expression. For example, if a woman has something to say about a particular argument or issue within the family, she might become possessed by the spirit of her dead uncle or father so that she might speak through a “man” and thus be listened to. So, spirit possession is a very real thing for many Micronesians, and as such the freshman boys are usually terrified. An upperclassman (a junior this year) will fake a possession – with screaming, flailing, speaking in tongues, etc. and the other boys will act (or in the case of the freshmen, legitimately be) horrified. A few older boys will transport the possessee outside and take a truck down the hill with the security guard presumably to go to the hospital leaving the other boys something to talk about until the next day. As with most traditions, the boys take it very seriously, and while it might go too far, it’s part of the ongoing initiation into the “boys’ community.”

On a less creepy note, earlier tonight four of us went to the Blue Lagoon resort to have dinner. The JVIs went on their semester retreat to Pisar, so the independents decided to have a small retreat of our own. It took us about an hour to get to the resort despite its close proximity, but it was worth it, and actually only cost me about $15. It’s very intriguing, though, to walk into Blue Lagoon or Truk Stop and only see white people, except for the servers and staff. Most of them are here for diving, but it’s interesting that there really are so many of them, but they hide within the confines of their hotels ignoring the actual island they’ve come to utilize. Too be honest, it wasn’t an exceptionally bad feeling to be surrounded by westerners for a few hours if only that it made me feel a little more at home and comfortable being my loud, demanding American self, it’s just both fascinating and tragic that the places where they generally limit themselves to are closed off to most Chuukese people. Even on their home island, they do not have the same kind of access as wealthy, privileged outsiders.

Trying to keep this thing up, I promise!!
Two weekends ago, a few of us went to a small island called Pisar, which is largely uninhabited and located right on the edge of the reef (the defining line of rocks and coral separating lagoon from open ocean). Pisar fits the image of “paradise” that many people might envision Micronesia to be – the sand is white and the water is a very clear, bright blue. Palm trees, coconuts, and tiny hermit crabs dot the relatively tiny landscape, and I found some really amazing shells and giant pieces of coral to hopefully take home with me as actual souvenirs. The snorkeling was pretty great, though not as exceptional as when I went diving with my host family. We took a trip out to the reef and stood against the waves which, while were unswimmable because of the rocks, were beautiful and very welcoming to listen to. We built a fire and ate a communal meal of sashimi, grilled fish, taro, banana, and kon (pounded breadfruit). There was no power on the small island, so we started a bonfire on the beach before retiring to bed in hammocks.

This past weekend was Girls’ Gathering – a Xavier tradition in which the female students sleep over at the school (generally they stay with host families all around Weno) and play games, watch movies, and just bond in general. The boys are relegated to the dorm so that the girls can have free reign of the campus for once, which is much deserved. The girls here definitely get the short end of the straw when it comes to resources and access at Xavier. They get less study time, and less time for extra help since they leave at 5 and often have chores to do at their host families. They also have to make the tiring and arduous ride up to Xavier every day, twice a day meaning they have to wake up around 5 or 6, and don’t get home sometimes until around 7. I participated for a couple games, most of which involved humiliating me as “new teacher initiation” goes. It was all in good fun though, and I tried to be a good sport. They were all really excited that I joined in, and it makes me happy to know that my presence mattered to them.
Speaking of which, I have officially become the sophomore “mom.” Their class moderator, Sammy, has become the “dad.” They have created a whole, imaginary family life for us. I thought this was a strange game at first, until I noticed there is a multitude of Xavier “families.” Students will be other students’ grandparents, parents, sisters, brothers, and children. They will build entire family units and complex genealogies for themselves which are testaments to their generative creativity. One sophomore girl who spent an afternoon chatting in my office told me a story of a teacher last year who jokingly made fun of her for always flirting with a particular boy. She finally got so upset she cried for the rest of the class because this boy was her “Xavier father” and it hurt her that someone would accuse her of liking him. This story was particularly eye-opening because it demonstrated how seriously these students take the families they create because they are so far away from their own families, if they have them at all. They need both the attention and the structure of familiar familial relationships.

There is so much coming up in the next few weeks. FSM Independence Day is Tuesday, so we have Monday off from school. Papers and projects are going out like crazy because we only have about 7 more weeks of classes before Christmas break, which I can’t believe! Before I know it, second semester will be here and the year will be over just as quickly as it came upon me. When I first got here, I couldn’t fathom the amount of time a year would take – I left feeling like I would be gone forever, like I wouldn’t really see my things or my friends or my neighborhood anymore. The last minutes I spent in New York City were with Emily, Chris, and Gabe and I remember waving goodbye to them from the subway train windows feeling like the next time I saw them, we’d all be old and grey. It was an unrealistic way to look at things, but with the daunting picture of a very new and foreign place in front of me, it didn’t seem that unreasonable. Now the year is almost over. I don’t feel like a year is enough, but I think I’ll still be ready to go home.

Busy as usual.
Last Sunday, Megan and I went to visit our host family at the Korean Research Center, which used to be a hotel. Unlike most of the volunteers’ host families, ours is not completely Chuukese (only the mom is Chuukese, the father is Korean) and we spend most of the time at the center/resort rather than at their home. It’s not necessarily a very cultural experience, it’s more like a mini-vacation especially considering that Megan has her air conditioned own room with a hot-water shower and a mini-fridge. Four of us including Tom and Matt were picked up by one of the researchers and taken to the research center. We filled up two motor boats and shipped out to a small island only big enough for one or two palm trees. We went snorkeling and with the aid of a professional instructor, scuba diving. We weren’t necessarily too far out in the lagoon, but we could see massive amounts of coral, some crazy colored fish, and a couple decent-sized sharks. I was a little anxious about diving, but snorkeling is still the most amazing feeling, especially farther away from the shore. We wore special gloves so we could pick up some corals and some pretty cool looking clams. We had some sandwiches on the boat and then a larger, spicier Korean lunch when we got back to shore. It was my first time at the Research Center, so Megan showed Tom, Matt, and me the huge tanks they keep of radical tropical fish. I feel a little like I’m cheating the Chuukese experience by having such a host family, but I also get to experience a lot of what the island and the lagoon have to offer by virtue of the access my host family has.

This past week we also had ten visiting Australian high school students from a private Jesuit school. They were here for “cultural immersion” but since they spent the majority of their time here at a high class hotel snorkeling and eating more than decent food, they weren’t immersed in much more than the continuously looming Western presence. I never had much of a chance to speak with them, but the students enjoyed taking them hiking and showing them how Xavier students typically live, which is also very different from Chuukese life as a whole.

Today I went for my first run down in Sapuk and Penia. It’s hard to run in the road since it switches between piles of rocks and gravel and deep ditches and potholes full of dirty rainwater, but it’s the most beautiful and peaceful run I’ve ever been on. There were not many people around today, maybe because of the heat, and so I just tried to absorb the silence of the still water to my right, and the jungle surrounding me on my left. I went too early to see sunset (mostly because I wanted to get back before dark), but it was still a gorgeous route to go down. Of course, like always, the natural beauty of the island is sharply interspersed with what looks like a vast wasteland of trash dotting almost every corner of the ground. Even though most people are, or at least seem, content, an overwhelming sense of poverty saturates the villages. I met a lot of cute Chuukese children who always want to know my name, where I’m coming from, and where I’m going. They get excited when I mention that I’m from the states, especially from New York which is a place that many of them know. They immediately guess I’m from Xavier, since there are only a literal handful of white people on the island, and ask when I’ll be back to see them. I also ran into Stephanie’s host brother who remembered me and asked when the next time I’m coming to visit them at Wichi would be. Hopefully it will be this weekend. I want to maintain the already fleeting relationships I have with the Chuukese people I’ve met so far, but I also want to try new things and go to different places both on the island and outside of it.

Friday morning around 5am I was woken up by screaming and the beating of drums. It was Big Mama – the legendary ghost of a large woman who, despite her size, can leap and fly from great heights in a matter of seconds. Big Mama is a prank the upperclassmen play on the freshmen boys. Because Chuukese, and Micronesians more generally, are extremely suspicious, the prospect of ghosts is both tangible and horrifying. It’s one of the reasons power is allowed to stay on in the boys’ dorm past midnight while the rest of the campus retreats into pitch black. I’m not sure exactly what the Big Mama prank entails, but it sounded like the freshmen really fell for it. Big Mama is a tradition that ushers in newcomer orientation, which took up most of the Friday school day. I had one class before lunch, and afterwards, we gathered into the gym which had been transformed into a dining hall with a stage. The seniors decorated it with flowers and palm leaves, and it looked pretty spectacular despite the fact that it was brutally hot in there. We had lunch and the new faculty members were welcomed with mar’mars made out of individually wrapped candies. The performances were the highlight, and they lasted for four hours. In the first part of the show, sophomore, junior, and senior boys dressed up like women and impersonated the freshman girls. I can’t imagine high school boys in the states going to the extremes these boys did to make themselves look and sound convincing. I was really impressed and amused by their willingness, and eagerness, to cross-dress and perform “female.” It was such an interesting display of gender bending, but I’m really observing how different gender is conceived here in the first place. While there are relatively strict gender roles, and restrictions on what women can do, women are also seen as the strong hand in the family. Not only do they traditionally control the land, but they are considered conflict resolvers (for instance, one day a student’s bag was stolen by Ki – our resident thief – and instead of sending a security guard after him, one of the Chuukese female faculty went and just said to him ‘Give me that. It belongs to a student. He wants it back” and it was handed over with no problem. I know from just speaking and listening to some female students that there is a degree of repression felt by women here, but they are also in some ways authority figures. Even more interesting is how male affection is dealt with. Homosexuality is completely unacceptable, but it’s not uncommon for teenage males to hold hands or walk arm in arm. Yesterday while sitting in the rec house with some of the male students, I noticed one freshman boy laying his head in the lap of a sophomore boy, and two junior boys laying on the grass with their legs entwined. This would be unusual in the states, to say the least, but here male affection is not equivalent to homosexual behavior. They use “gay” as an insult frequently, but don’t always necessarily grasp what it means. Just the thought of two men or two women “being in love” is often too far outside the realm of their realities.

Aside from the cross-dressing, the show was pretty impressive even if it was a little long to sit through in its entirety. The students are phenomenal dancers, and performed traditional district dances (a Pohnepeian dance or a Palauan dance for example), hula, break dancing, and hip hop. Some of the junior and senior boys did fire throwing, and they wrote and performed their own little skits and songs, mostly dealing with freshmen and some of the new faculty (including myself). What I love most is seeing the students really work together to pull off something that means a lot to them. I don’t recall observing or experiencing that while I was in high school. There was a general lack of school spirit and an undercurrent of indifference for this kind of thing. The seniors weren’t terribly concerned with “welcoming” the freshmen and treating them as family and not just other students. It’s a whole different dynamic of closeness. There is definitely some tension among districts, and individual students as well, but in general I think the Xavier community is pretty impressive.

Saturday morning I woke up and played tennis and badminton with some of the other faculty and students. Afterwards, some of the teachers and one junior boy went swimming in the lagoon off the Japanese dock. I love going there – on the walk there which is sometimes tiring, you first smell this specific island flower (I forget the name) which I personally don’t like at all because it was used to make the mar’mars given to me on the day of my arrival in Chuuk and I smelled them all day long while wearing them. There’s also always the smell of gasoline from the boats and cars, and ALWAYS the smell of food cooking and a farmy kind of scent from the pigs and dogs, but at one particular point in the walk, there’s a overwhelming smell of the ocean – that salty, beachy smell even stronger than I’m used to. It makes me feel really relaxed and at home. I told the student that came with us that I love that smell and he just scrunched his nose and said he prefers the smell of gasoline because it reminds him of his home on an outer Yapese island. I thought it was interesting that I prefer the smell of the ocean while he prefers the smell of industry. We’re all looking for different things.

After we went swimming, we took the truck into town and ate at Truk Stop which I always look forward to. It’s a beautiful place, even if a little touristy (if anything can really be touristy on Chuuk). Because I’m still in a New York frame of mind, paying $12 or $13 for dinner is a cheap night out, but the other volunteers disagree. I think it’s partly because our stipends are only $60 a month and partly because after being here a while where everything is cheap relative to the states, you start perceiving value and cost differently. After dinner we went to the Pilipino community house across from Truk Stop and sang karaoke with Lily and her friends. We didn’t get home until around midnight. I was edgy the whole drive to and from town since on Thursday, the bus that takes the girls home was pachinkoed. We were stopped and I was sitting at the window seat asking myself why some students were getting under their seats. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an angry-looking man and then just heard a loud noise and felt glass on the back of my neck. The dart, a barbaric, primitive looking thing, landed in the hood of one of the female student’s sweatshirts just barely missing her head. It was a terrifying experience, and unfortunately one that is very common in Chuuk. The man was drunk, as is pretty customary for pay day Thursdays, and apparently pachinkoing cars as they passed by. We went to the police station and learned that several reports had already been made. He was eventually apprehended, but of course that didn’t make me feel any safer. This kind of violence happens often in Chuuk and while usually random is sometimes directed specifically at white people – especially if they’re being loud or disrespectful of Chuukese culture. I want to warn some of the western tourists that come to Xavier that they’re dressed inappropriately, but this is something I feel they already know and are largely indifferent about. Pachinkos have killed several people on Weno already – I think all Chuukese people, but this is the second time in less than a year Xavier vehicles have been hit. Our director wrote a letter to the governor of Chuuk demanding that some action be taken or else Xavier will move to the old PATS campus on Pohnpei, which part of me hopes happens. I like the life and status that Xavier infuses into Chuuk, but honestly it’s a very dangerous place, especially for western volunteers. Obviously it wouldn’t happen this year, but the possibility is promising, even if it is kind of tragic at the same time.

Today Stephanie and I took a walk to Penia Sine – a village about 2 miles away from Sapuk. Her host sister from Moch had spent the night so we were taking her home and at the same time going to Wichi, a waterfall by her house. The waterfall was behind some property near the edge of some jungle and was an absolutely gorgeous spot. The water was fresh, so it was cold (a welcome change from the heat of the Pacific). We arrived with Steph’s host sisters, but within a matter of minutes, we were flooded by groups of children from the village who LOVED my camera more than they loved actually swimming. Every few seconds I would hear the Chuukese “TSSS!” to get my attention so I could take another photo of yet another pose or the jumping off of a rock into the water below the falls. We swam for a while and then walked up to Steph’s host house where we sat outside, ate rice and mackerel off of a communal plate and talked (I mostly listened since I had a hard time understanding anything). We walked back to Sapuk with Kim, a Chuukese-American woman, and her friend to go to Joen’s house for coconuts, but he met us at the corner right before Xavier and handed them to us instead. Kim said it’s not unusual for men to be intimidated, or shy around, a group of girls especially when there are white girls.

I kept getting compliments on being attractive, mostly due to my skin. The Chuukese will say “you’re so pale” or “light-skinned” and it amounts to a standard of beauty. We have such a different conception of how skin should look in the West and it’s interesting that Westerns tan primarily to reduce the appearance of bodily faults, whereas Chuukese (and Micronesians in general) value whiteness because its linked to power and prestige. I’ve talked about this before, but it still fascinates me. It’s strange to be labeled exotic when you’ve spent your entire life in the category of ordinary.

School is going well. The kids are more used to me, which is good. It’s easy to get them to like you though, it’s not so easy to get them to respect you. I think I might have a way to go in that department – I’m so bad with discipline. Part of me feels like if I punish them, they’ll shut down and become disengaged. I’ve been trying to play games and use projects to stimulate their interest in class, but I’m not sure it works. I’m not even interested in letter grades, I want to hear more about how they think, or want to think. Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to turn this into a college experience rather than a high school one for these kids, but I find myself so uninterested in memorization and rote learning. I never found that stuff important or long-lasting. At the same time, I feel like I’m trying to change something that can’t necessarily be changed.

I love living with everyone here, but I’m also realizing I need some time for myself. I woke up early this morning to do yoga on the roof, which provides a spectacular view of Xavier and of the ocean just beyond it. It was such a peaceful experience, but overwhelmingly hot. I’m going to try and do it after school just before dinner to wake my body up a little. I always need some energy at night, and I also need time to think things through for myself and be quiet in my own head.

After yoga I was sitting in my office doing some work when a white man whom I didn’t recognize came to the door. This is always cause for interest, but I realized quickly that he was a tourist, from Texas of all places. He wanted me to show him to the roof since Xavier is apparently famous for the view. There was a group of them outside waiting to be shown wear to go and I noticed immediately that the women were wearing tank tops and short shorts which is not only culturally inappropriate and disrespectful, it can be dangerous. I didn’t mention anything only because I’m positive they were made aware of this, but like most American tourists, believe that the rules don’t apply to them. They were on Chuuk for the scuba/snorkeling experience, not necessarily to actually see Chuuk which is made apparent by the fact that all white people who come here stay either at Truk Stop or Blue Lagoon – hotel/resorts on the edge of the island. This is kind of sad to me since these people don’t actually get the Chuuk experience. No Chuukese person lives in a hotel; far from it. I personally think they would get more out of staying with a host family and seeing how Chuuk actually exists, but this isn’t a lucrative business. Instead they bypass all the uncivilized “unpleasantness” and focus only on the version most appealing to them – the one that specifically caters to Western visitors who aren’t actually interested in visiting.

Yesterday was the first day of classes. It wasn’t as rough as I expected it to be, but it was definitely no cake walk either. I can tell that the students are good kids, but they can also be rowdy and indifferent. This is a dangerous combination for me since, while I have a list of strict-sounding rules, discipline is not my strongest area. As I was explaining to another volunteer who tried to assuage my uncertainty, it’s hard to feel like you’re making any kind of a difference when you’re met with laziness, disruption, and apathy. It doesn’t help that Ki, Xavier’s latest Sapukian thief, ran around all day stealing things from the classrooms which seems futile since there is hardly anything in them to steal. I taught five classes today, and in only one room was there a desk for me. There was no chalk in any of the rooms and most of the students’ desks are falling apart. There aren’t enough books to go around, so students have to share, even for homework. I tried to accentuate the need for discussion, community, and questioning in my classes, but the general consensus is that speaking up (to answer questions) is not very popular. Micronesians are brought up thinking that answering questions in class or raising your hand is indicative of arrogance and showing off. Eye contact and individualization are discouraged, as is initiative. As such, they work well together in groups and with direct memorization, but have a difficult time formulating their own opinions and critically thinking about things. Inference and analysis are not strong for Micronesians, and impatience can be tempting. What IS frustrating is the sense of laziness and apathy I sometimes feel from the students. I’ve heard that the students love to be at Xavier, but hate to be in class. I already have very little idea what I’m doing, so getting a vibe of indifference makes what I have to do even more difficult. So far I feel like a very boring and unpopular teacher – the work I give seems to be too hard for them and they don’t understand a lot of the concepts we go over more than once. Getting them to speak up is like pulling teeth, though the lack of vocal responses doesn’t necessarily point to a lack of interest since they aren’t socialized to learn that way... but this is hard for me to come to terms with as a person who grew up in a culture where competition is key. Just as unfamiliar to me is the Micronesian way of responding to questions asked directly to them. Micronesians focus a lot of communication in their facial expressions. A raise of the eyebrows, in a manner Americans might construe as confusion or a bad attitude, simply means “yes.”

A lot of Chuukese customs are unfamiliar to me. Some boys (I think Yapese) get up from sitting every time I walk past them. It seems like an out-of-date tradition to westerners, but it actually has a completely different connotation. Women’s souls are said to be stronger and so if men remain seated when a woman walks by, men fear that their soul will get crushed. This has origins in Micronesian matriarchal tradition it’s almost a shame to watch it undergo a kind of demise at the hands of Westernization. Matriarchy in Micronesia has been compromised but not completely quelled. One of the Micronesian staff here says that Micronesian women are often taught to suck it up, though most of them are the silent stronghands of the family. This is a strange dichotomy, but one I’m very eager to observe once I get a host family.

I’m trying to get more integrated into Chuukese culture, but it’s difficult at Xavier which is such a Westernized haven. I’m learning little things everyday though – this past weekend, I learned how to grind coconut in order to make the milk. It’s basically done by sitting on a square stool that has a metal claw-like tool sticking out of it and scraping in a particular fashion. I thought I was pretty good at it until I watched someone who really knew what they were doing and had it finished in less than half the time. Additionally, I AM in search of a host family to take me in on some weekends. Xavier is so entirely different than the rest of Chuuk, yet also vastly different than most American schools. The boys stay in a dorm while the girls commute everyday from host families in town. The boys wake up every day around 6 to do “morning glory” – manual labor around campus. Physical punishment is encouraged (not corporal punishment like hitting, more like running laps or being put on Saturday labor). Students are given push-ups or jumping jacks for using profanity, or “disrespectful language” or even by speaking their own languages (for various reasons I don’t fully agree with, being a anthro-linguistics major, English is the only language allowed on campus). What’s most shocking to me is observing how well the boys accept their punishments and required manual work. Except at boot camp, I can’t visualize American students being expected to or consenting to perform this kind of work while at school. The purpose is two-fold – there isn’t enough money to pay for more day workers , and the general consensus is that the students at Xavier need to be humbled. Often you’ll hear how spoiled the Pohnpeians are or how bratty the Palauan kids can be, but it’s hard for me to imagine any of these students actually being spoiled in the way I conceive of the word. There is so little, even on Pohnpei, to be spoiled with.

Despite generalizations made about certain islanders, the valences of power and privilege are most often attributed to white people. It’s a whole different perspective being viewed as exotic – people stare at you wherever you go, children follow you, excited and wanting to talk to you, people smile and wave and wonder about you like you’re a celebrity which is honestly how it feels sometimes. Whiteness is not only rare, it is valuable often constructing westerners as people who would be important friends and easy targets. While most islanders find white people both striking and fascinating, in different ways, violence is also often centered around westerners. I’ve been in the midst of Filipino dart shooters – people who shoot hooked darts at their victims. This is one reason white people are discouraged from going out at night, another is robbery. White people are automatically assumed to have more, which is usually true. While most violence is not directed at white people (probably because there are so few of us here and clan/gang violence is the most prevalent kind), being white makes you stand out (so much so that upon seeing a westerner I didn’t recognize in town, I asked another volunteer “who’s that white guy?”) which can be both a positive and a negative thing. After an entire life of being the majority and the default, being one of the very few white people on Chuuk makes you reconsider your worldview. To have people stare at you and children follow you around (sometimes expecting candy or some change) is something that’s so shocking for me. The difference is, while most definitely in the minority, you are still assumed to have the upper hand in many ways. Tonight we had a faculty meeting, just for the white volunteers (American and Australian) in which we were asked to try and tone ourselves down because we were overwhelming the Micronesian faculty and students. It’s such an egocentric thing not to be conscientious of the people whose land you inhabit, but this is also such an American thing – even more so when you realize that you didn’t even notice this was going on. Like in many places around the world, whiteness is a commodity as well as a forceful identity. While out in the Mortlocks (islands outside the reef) this summer, Stephanie got a tan and was genuinely asked “won’t your mother be mad for making your skin ugly?” This type of thinking is both so foreign to us, since tanning in considered a form of aesthetics, but simultaneously, and paradoxically, not far off from how we think of ourselves – as superior and culturally omniscient just by virtue of our westerness and our whiteness.

I’ve been trying to set up curriculums and lesson plans, but it’s easy to get distracted here even though there’s really not much, in general, to do. We just went a good day ½ without any power, and that’s an indicator of no work getting done. The volunteers mostly sit around and play board or card games, or organize trips into town to buy ice cream and liquor (though women aren’t allowed to buy alcohol here, so I have to hang back).

On Friday, the Japanese ambassador came to Xavier for a ceremony celebrating the erection of a solar power/solar wind generator. The ceremony was nice, complete with bottled Aquafina water (in a place where “expiration date” and “keep refrigerated” are literally just suggestions at best, high quality bottled water is extremely rare). Interestingly, the generator does no real work for us and is only used as a learning tool/study light for the boys after the power goes out at midnight. Sustainability is a huge issue here – the price of diesel is high and rising, and as a result reliable island power is virtually impossible. Yet there is no concept of recycling or proper disposal of garbage. Litter is common, unlike an awareness for everyday environmental care. Even at the ceremony for the generator, Styrofoam cups were used as was petroleum in the truck we used to cart things to and from the field. Global warming is a very big problem for Micronesia, yet hardly anyone is educated in this subject. And while some Westerners complain about the lack of consideration given to environmental issues, there is hardly any effort made to teach students about it.

Saturday afternoon, Sam, Joe, Robin, Steph, Sammy and I took a hike up to Witipwon – a gigantic mountain which overlooks most of Weno. The trip up there was extreme – after passing Xavier’s million gallon water tank, we entered straight jungle. We cut our own path through 7-8 feet tall grasses, vines and leaves with machetes and a samurai sword. Since we had no map, Sammy climbed coconut trees to keep us on track with the mountain. The blades of the grasses are exactly that – sharp-edged and burning, and as a result of walking through them for over an hour, my legs and arms are torn apart. Thankfully, there are no poisonous plants in Micronesia, or super-dangerous animals. Once on Witipwon, we spread a tarp over some dry rocks, chopped some wood from the coconut trees and built a fire. We fried some meat, drank coconuts, and watched the moon rise. Sleep was fitful, especially when it started to rain since we had no tent. It was worth it to watch the sunrise in the morning though – in addition to the bright clouds and purple haze falling all across the island, you can actually see storm systems moving in over the reef and across the lagoon. It just looks like a patch of cloudy air disturbing the otherwise calm waters, and it moves quickly. We saw a few rainbows and Robin chopped some coconut for breakfast before we made our way back into the jungle. We ended up getting lost and having to try to navigate across the very thick terrain, but somehow randomly stumbled upon the million gallon tank which was our virtual signpost to home.

Later that day after brunch, a few of us went to the Japanese dock in Sapuk to go swimming and snorkeling. Swimming isn’t necessarily popular on excruciatingly hot days since the water feels like a 70 degree bath. Still, it’s a beautiful clear, crystal blue and we were able to dive and see some coral and urchins. Snorkeling is possibly one of the coolest feelings – being able to breathe and swim easily underwater is so amazing and peaceful. Of course, while the boys wore swim trunks, I had to wear knee-length shorts and a t-shirt. They laughed about it, and I laughed along, but it’s difficult for me to accept things like that as “culture” and not view it as inherently misogynistic. Part of me wants to be totally radical and just ignore these traditions, but the other part of me is rational and trying to cope with the fact that thinking only in Western terms is incredibly egocentric. Apart from which, I have to keep in mind that most Micronesian clans and cultures are historically matriarchal, but the arrival of Christians changed their way of life. The female modesty scene comes for a patriarchal Protestant background, not at all anything Micronesian. To combat this, I’m trying some subtle approaches such as having my senior literature class read things like “Civil Disobedience,” “Antigone,” and The Bell Jar. Not the most revolutionary reads, but I’m trying to instill a sense of questioning and provide a new way of thinking. I don’t necessarily plan on changing anyone’s mind or way of life, but I hope at least to plant some intrigue and uncover some power structures at play.

The Australians and I arrived in Chuuk Saturday around 3pm. Like Pohnpei, Chuuk is a beautiful island, but a lot less developed. Pohnpei is considered extremely luxurious among the volunteers, and now I also share this sentiment. Upon my arrival to the Chuuk airport, I was greeted with a mar mar (I THINK that’s the spelling?) which is a traditional Chuukese necklace, much like the Hawaain ley, weaved from flowers, fruits, and even things like money and boxes of candy. Mar mars are exchanged frequently, one of the occasions being one’s first arrival to Chuuk. The driver of the Xavier bus gave one to me made mostly of flowers, and Joe bought me one to wear on my head. Chuukese roads are hideous, but the drive from the airport was still absolutely incredible. The extreme and undiluted beauty of the island is offset by the extraordinary poverty, which really can’t be described even in terms of what is generally familiar in the states, and probably most of the West. As in Pohnpei, houses are generally small and flat-roofed made mostly of concrete and metal. Windows are boarded up with pieces of graffiti-sprayed wood while the houses themselves often remain partially open. Some of them are painted bright or pastel colors, similar to Spanish style homes, but the colors are usually faded and juxtaposed by unclothed children, sheet metal gates, trash, roaming, diseased animals, stagnant water, and the skeletons of cars. Sad looking stores dot the dirt road, usually only offering a small window inside a wooden or thatched shanty selling types of candy and cigarettes, but often out of water. Probably from my description the environment doesn’t sound so desolate and might even resemble a project area in Detroit or LA, but it’s nothing like that. There is a huge difference between not having access to certain resources and those resources not being available at all to begin with. For instance, it isn’t a question whether or not one can buy food, it’s the fact that there is no food to buy even if one had money. What’s interesting is that often I see small children coming to ask for food with no shoes (which isn’t a huge deal – shoes are generally not worn all the time anyway) or shirts, but they have a cell phone or an ipod. Western culture has certainly infiltrated this area in the way it does best – by accentuating the importance of the unimportant.

I was given another mar mar when I arrived at the school. They fade and die quickly, but I left them in my room and they still smell pretty nice. The room itself is nice, but very small and VERY hot. I share a bathroom with Lily, the school treasurer, and while most things technically work, the shower is more like a freezing cold, barely dripping faucet and the power shuts off around campus at midnight. I have a lantern in my room, but like most things here, it doesn’t work. The water is undrinkable, and because my boxes have not arrived with my Nalgene bottle, I need to drink filtered water out of a large pitcher instead. The geckos here are much bigger and much more prevalent as, apparently, are big spiders which thankfully I haven’t seen yet. Just as prevalent are billy goats and roosters/chickens which are EVERWHERE and crow at all hours of the day and night.
After arriving on Saturday, I walked around the campus a little and met Sam, the other new independent volunteer. Dinner was at 6 and consisted of rice, banana mash, chicken, and fish – heads, fins, and all. I ate everything I could – food is not as plentiful in Chuuk as on Pohnpei and since I’m used to snacking, I’m usually fairly hungry. Cake and ice cream were served after dinner for Tomi’s birthday, but this is rare. I spent some time trying to get to know the JVIs who arrived around 7. Everyone seems so close – I’m not fond of being the new person and trying to figure out how exactly to fit in (this is made especially difficult because everyone here is at least moderately religious). We went up to the roof from which the view of Chuuk, the ocean, and outer islands is absolutely gorgeous. Of course, after dark all you can see are millions of the bright, bold stars. They seem so much closer here. We drank sackao which is made out of mud and root and consequently looks and tastes like both things combined. It’s a very thick, brown gloopy mixture which contains clumps of sand and tastes like aged, dirty celery. The purpose is to go completely numb. On Pohnpei, sackao is made and drunk often – it’s a cultural icon. Not so much on Chuuk where the drink of choice is beer (Joe attributes much of Chuukese violence to alcohol consumption and not enough sackao which does not affect your motor and judgment skills quite like alcohol). The boys transported it via an old Clorox bottle (completely legal in FSM) and we finished the whole thing Saturday night. A few of us ended up playing cards until about 3:30 in the morning. I was glad to be completely exhausted since it’s hard for me to sleep with the heat and lizards.

Sunday we went to mass around 10am. The only reason I was even partially interested in attending the service was to hear it said in Chuukese. The chapel is a beautifully designed thatch building with white tile and opens on all sides, mostly right into the Pacific. Afterwards, the volunteers went to Sunday brunch at the school and then a few of us decided to trek downtown. Getting downtown is a long and arduous process. While there are “roads” in Chuuk, they are completely unrecognizable. They are mostly dirt paths full of giant potholes, enormous stones, mud, and lake-like puddles. Though downtown is only a few short miles away, it takes about an hour to get there. Not even halfway there, we incurred a flat tire, and noting that the spare was also flat, we called Xavier to come and collect us. We waited for about 2 hours and still no one showed. Some Chuukese came to talk to us and see what was going on. We walked a little to D.J.’s (a Xavier student) mother’s store and she gave us some water (which I’m hoping was ok to drink). With the help of several Chuukese and to the amusement of even more Chuukese children, we pushed the truck to D.J.’s house and walked an hour back to Xavier. The “shortcut” that Rey suggested to us led us up a steep and muddy pathway through the jungle. I was exhausted, but thankful to see the inside of the jungle. Coconut and breadfruit trees loom with their enormous palm leaves and while the air is saturated with a deep, moist heat, the shade from the trees and the wetness of the ground made for a cool and peaceful hike. When we finally got back to the school, I collected a few muu’muus (traditional Micronesian dresses) and skirts from Steph left over from Ellen and Katie, but I’m praying my boxes arrive either tomorrow or the next day. I’m in dire need of them.

Monday began orientation for the school year. I’m teaching sophomore and junior world history and senior literature. Martin also asked me if I would help out with drama. There seems to be a huge shortage of teachers, and I’m glad I can make the burden a little lighter, but three classes with multiple sections is a lot to handle. I began working on my curriculum and syllabus, but it’s difficult to find books that I like and think are important reading materials since there is such a huge shortage of books. We toured the campus and of course, went to mass. I’ll probably stop going in a few weeks much, I’m sure, to the chagrin not only of the school directors but of the fellow volunteers. Religion is a very integral aspect to Xavier and this is something with which I disagree. My feeling is that the purpose of education is to educate, and infusing your own personal beliefs does a disservice to the process. I would understand if there was a choice between a good religious school and a good public school, but this isn’t the case. Xavier is sought after my Micronesian students because it’s the best school – it has the most money, the most resources, and the most qualified teachers. Yet in order to receive a “proper” (what is still in my mind a pretty meager) education, one has to also abide by the religious aspects. A good education should not have to come at a price – people should educate because they believe in the development of individuals and ultimately of environments, not in order to satisfy a particular religious agenda. This is especially frustrating knowing that Chuukese were not always Christian and most of them still cling to their traditions which predate missionization.

We also made it into town on Sunday. Robin drove Rey, Hide, Sam and I to some stores downtown after we dropped some Chuukese Xavier workers at their house. I bought some water, a flashlight, and a DVD of Nip/Tuck season 5 for $4.00. We were out until after dark and missed most of the dinner food, but it was worth it to drive around. After dinner each night we mostly sit around playing cards or watching bootleg movies on TV. Tonight right before the power went out, Sammy found a huge crab scurrying around in his room and I had to get it out. I was surprised that I was the only one with crab experience.

Everyone is incredibly nice here, but amazingly, it’s still possible to feel lonely. I’ve noticed that things are very disorganized and it’s difficult to get things accomplished. Steph told me my room is prone to break-in attempts (I’m told I should be ok at night when I’m here because I can deadbolt the door) and that they would try to add some kind of reinforcement to the lock, but I’m guessing that won’t get done. I got my fan pretty quickly, but I really had to push to get people into town Sunday which turned out to be pointless anyway. People are very spontaneous here, which can be great but I’m a planner and I like things to be as efficient as I try to be. This is the wrong atmosphere for that kind of attitude. People mean well, but I don’t feel there is much of a work ethic. Additionally, people seem to take things as they come regardless of plans or what needs to get done. I’m trying so hard to learn the ropes – to buy things I need, figure out school stuff, get my laundry and room under control, but no one is really interested in spending too much time to help, usually dismissing it as “we’ll take of it later.” I often feel like a huge inconvenience because I’m used to things happening so quickly and on the spot. I know it’s a question of attitude and circumstance, and I don’t want to be aggressive. I just need to acclimate more maybe.

Speaking of which, I’m not looking forward to my first bout of sickness. Their second day here, the JVIs became incredibly ill with fevers well into the hundreds and an awful stomach bug. Greg assures that I WILL get sick soon and I’m fearing it. It’s hard enough to stand this heat and general dirtiness healthy, let alone on your deathbed.

Despite this, Chuuk is a beautiful place. I wish it was safer and easier to move around, but the views are absolutely out of this world. A lot of the time so far we’ve just been hanging out drinking out of coconuts trying to find things to talk about. I still feel like I’m on some bizarre vacation. The reality of spending a year here has not sunk in at all. I do miss home, but even more maybe I miss the capability of being in touch. Internet has been okay, but this isn’t usually the norm and when there is internet, there are so many people trying to use it that it’s impossible to have a private conversation. I have a cell phone, but it’s both expensive to call and difficult with the time difference. Hopefully I’ll start feeling more comfortable soon. It is an amazing place to be, I am just overwhelmed.
- L

Raan anim!

I wanted to write about the rest of my day before leaving for Chuuk tomorrow and having next to know internet capabilities. Greg arrived around 1:30 or so. He hired us a rental car and the aussies and I took off for Nan Madol. It was absolutely gorgeous - a really great intro to Micronesia. Nan Madol is comprised of ruins (we walked into a stone jail site) from a dynasty dating back to the 1500s. It's a really huge piece of Pohnpeian tradition, and we had to obtain permission, and pay a few, to the nan marquis (chief) and to the family who currently reside on and own the land.

The water in Nan Madol feels like warm bath water. Even at the mouth of the Pacific, the waves are very warm and very clear. Our shoes got swept away by the tide and we had to hunt them down among the reeds and quicksand.

On our way back, we stopped at a small carving store where I bought a necklace for $4. We momentarily got stuck in a torrential rain which I was afraid would last the rest of the night, but it ended abruptly, like someone had just turned off a faucet. I had a drink with the jesuits, and then went out to the Village with Greg for dinner. the Village is a restaurant and hotel, very fancy by Micronesian standards. There was no air conditioning, and like everywhere else, cats and dogs walked around freely, but the food was amazing. Apparently there's not much to eat in Chuuk, so I'm trying to get it in while I can.

There's much more to say, but I'm exhausted. I will try to write again asap... hopefully the internet is working at Xavier.

- L

Pohnpei stopover

I am currently in Pohnpei, Micronesia residing at a Jesuit house with some brothers, priests, and other volunteers. I arrived yesterday around 2pm, PNI time. The flight itself was fine - just long - and all of the stops the Island Hopper makes can be exhausting in their own right. I departed at Majuro with Richard, an older Kosraen man I met on the 4am shuttle to the Honolulu aiport, who was on his way home with his wife and child (I often had to babysit the baby on the plane while his wife walked around or prepared her daughter's bottles in the bathroom). I made the mistake of also getting off on Kwajalein where I was ushered into a police/immigration building. I had to find an American officer and get escorted back on the plane. After that it was mostly smooth sailing. I was alone after Kosrae since Richard and his family departed, but it was only a 40 minute flight from there to Pohnpei. Soon I'll be picking up Greg from the airport as well.

I can't believe how hot it is here - hot and BUGGY. Last night while sitting on the upstairs porch, I was attacked by some kind of small crawly inch-worm like thing that goes under your clothes and just creeps around. Spiders, mosquitoes, geckos, and ants are everywhere. So far I've noticed a few different kinds of ants, one of which is small but bites with a vengeance. Feral dogs are also very common. They roam the streets and go in and out of houses more frequently, it feels, than people. I've been told the dogs at Xavier are friendly and loyal, but also vicious to trespassers.

Everything seems so dirty to me, but that's probably because I'm used to an overabundance of sterilization and cleanliness common in the states. Shoes are hardly ever worn, and the general population lives in extraordinary conditions. Poverty is overwhelming. Children are friendly, but sometimes not clothed and usually not washed. After walking down main street and visiting some stores, we walked to the JVI house and on the way I noted many doorless, shoddy houses made of stone, metal, and wood. In one of these, I noticed two people lying on an empty, concrete floor with no bedding. This morning while I was eating breakfast, two children came to the house asking if they could pick some of our oranges. They are allowed as long as they don't climb the tree, which presented a problem since the children were small and most of the lower fruit had already been picked.

The island itself is beautiful - the trees and flowers are out of control. Today we were hoping to Kepirohi, an extraordinary waterfall on the other side of the island as well as the Micronesian Nan Madol ruins, but it doesn't look like we will be able to find a car, and there's not much time now anyway since Greg arrives in about a half hour. I'm looking forward to hopefully seeing more of the island later on with him if we can, and of course I'm hoping to have time to explore Chuuk before orientation and training.

Wireless seems to be failing a little, so I'm going to sign off and get the status of Greg's arrival. I'll update again soon!

- L

Intro

Hello all! :) Welcome to my blog (I've resisted them for so long, but the time has finally come for me to have one of these things). I intend to use this primarily to recount any and all adventures in Chuuk, FSM and beyond over the next year or two (depending on how much time they can squeeze out of me), but I'll probably make some room to talk about other thoughts, issues, etc. so hopefully you can bear with me!! Ideally, after my stint is up out there in Oceania, I'll be heading to other, equally interesting places that I can also discuss and potentially bore you with ;)

I am still in upstate NY for another 24 hours, so for right now I'm really just setting this up and hoping to build some anticipation! Additionally, many people have asked how to best reach me, so I'll list some helpful contact info below:

Email: lydiaocnnr@gmail.com (preferred), lydia.o@nyu.edu
Skype: lydia.r.oconnor
Address: Lydia O'Connor
Xavier High School
P.O. Box 220
Chuuk, FM 96942
Micronesia

I will also have a cellphone when I get there, courtesy of my uncle, but calls are pretty expensive so I don't expect that will be a prime vein of communication. I'm sure I'll be checking facebook pretty regularly as well.

That's about all for now! Check back soon for fun updates :)

- L