Well, my second weekend in Pohnpei just passed, and was unfortunately a lot less eventful than the last one. Work on Friday was quiet as usual. I came back from lunch to find Eugenia (Euke), a Chuukese woman who also works at MicSem , confronted with an insurmountable amount of take-out food that her son had brought for her. She convinced me to sit and eat with her, even though I was already full. We ate potato salad, taro, greens, sashimi, and local chicken soup and talked, mostly about Chuuk and how different it is from Pohnpei. Fr. Fran came in after a while, and sat down with us and we talked some more about social issues throughout FSM – homosexuality, mental illness, education – and went on for a few hours. After this, most of the staff gathered in the small media room to watch the newest MicSem video installment on education and local public schools in the FSM.
After work, Greg and I went out to dinner at the Joy Hotel and saw Inception at the Pohnpei cinemas. I was surprised how much the movies reminded me of home. The theater was MUCH smaller, but it was nice inside; cool and clean and quiet. I expected to walk outside and be at home, in the parking lot of the Galleria, and drive to my house. Everything here is like a stranger, smaller version of what it is back home – the shops, the streets, the grocery stores. The environment is much different of course, but so many things remind me of being back in NY, much more than they did in Chuuk. It gives the impression of struggling to maintain a semblance of the West with diner-style cafes and take-out places where you can get an American hamburger rather than a plastic case of rice and barbecued chicken. But if you drive around Kolonia for just a while, you realize the road goes nowhere and you are just traveling in big circles, seeing the same things, as though you are on the set of an old cartoon watching the same sights passing you by.
On Saturday, I discovered the Jesuits' Hitchcock collection, and watching Psycho, which has always been one of my favorite movies. I was restless after awhile, and practically alone in the house, so I decided to drive around and explore as much as I could. I went down Kaselehlie Street, the main coastal street in Kolonia, and kept driving. I passed lots of shops and little restaurants (Sei, Angie’s) that I had only heard about. I passed the Oceanview Hotel and shopping center, which looked absolutely deserted, and the famous Flamingo bar and dance club, which I’ve been warned not to go in. Delightedly, I realized the food stores here have a much nicer variety, so I bought myself some crackers, chips, chocolate, flavored seltzer, and kahlua (all the necessities to survive, obviously). I bought some coconuts from Three Star, a shady, dark little store right next to the road leading to the waterfalls I visited with Tom. I did the same sorts of things on Sunday – driving around where I could, going into stores that were open, and desperately seeking some exercise.
One thing about living here that is so vastly different from Chuuk is the sense of being on my own. At Xavier, this was never an issue… sometimes to the point of sheer annoyance. There were always other faculty members around, most around my age, to eat with, sit on the porch and chat with, play cards with, and just pass the empty time somewhat decently. Besides which, students were everywhere, always. Here, I feel an overwhelming sense of silence and sometimes loneliness. I don’t relate all too well with the older priests I am living with (surprise surprise). I might go off on my own to more uncharted, exciting regions except they wouldn’t be the safest ventures.
Today was Euke’s birthday at MicSem, so we had a small party for her. We sang, took pictures, and had some cake (which was purple and WAY too sweet). Dickson showed me his uncle’s website with pictures of Woleai and his relatives. So much different than Pohnpei of course! Very natural and peaceful looking. They remided me of Sammy, another Xavier teacher, who left to teach in Yap on that island. I can't imagine not being able to have contact with anyone except your neighbors. One step at a time for me =) Tonight was also the first night since I’ve been here that power went out – from about 6 until 9. We had candles, but other than that it was absolutely pitch black. I was surprised after being in Chuuk how frustrated I was. Though even in Chuuk it was the one thing I could never really get over. It annoys me because it’s a problem that can be fixed if it was only paid attention to. But generally, power is remarkable here compared to Chuuk which is just a sad testament to the government inefficiency there.
A few nights ago, I downloaded the movie Religulous, which I’ve seen before but is one of those biting documentaries that I really love. Along with Richard Dawkins clips, I have to watch such things to keep me sane here. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced; this environment in which such a harmful product infiltrates every aspect of these people’s lives. I really believe that, more than I ever have. It’s not just a perfunctory, transient lashing out at religion because it’s boring, repetitive, or clearly the instigator in so much modern violence. It’s a recognition of the ways in which religion, particularly Christianity, came about and how unoriginal, uninspired, and unevidenced they are. This past week, a friend of mine from high school passed away. Another friend of mine also tragically lost someone close to her. I feel like at these times, it’s easiest and almost necessary to seek out comfort from some unknown source; to believe that there somehow has to be justice for the unfairness and suffering in the world. When I hear stories like this, I want to believe in god because like an agent or overpaid lawyer, I need to think that he’s working for a plan that will end up benefiting me. But this is such a convenient and ultimately selfish thought. Not that I think such suffering is necessarily meaningless, but it’s too easy to find solace in a figure like god. The reality is that the world just operates unfairly. And to be honest, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d rather think that than have faith in a god which, by his own standing, is jealous, malevolent, angry, and vengeful. What an awful depiction of someone who is meant to be running our lives, or at the very least protecting them. God sounds more childlike than many children I know, and I think better versions of morality can be found on some seedy sitcoms. I think this is depressing to some people (which is a big motivator for religion in the first place) because people need to feel loved, watched over, and most importantly, like they matter. It’s very soothing to the human ego. But what is so wrong about not mattering, at least in a universal sense? The stories surrounding Jesus have been regurgitated from old Hindu, Sumerian, Hebrew, and Egyptian religions before him. I’d much rather believe in the reality of Jesus, the living wonders of our world, the grandest systems and schemes of the universe as working together for their own ends and prosperity rather than for that of some invisible being pulling all the strings. That to me is much more wondrous.
I like this quote by Lawrence Krauss:
Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life - weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.
I mean, isn’t that just so much more fantastic?
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