Well, it’s mid-4th quarter: the final stretch of my final semester here at Xavier and in Micronesia. Looking back on my entries, it seems like only days ago I was sitting on my bed during a bland, hot middle-of-August night, packed up and ready to take flight the next day. In latest news, I tried to make it work for another year since I don’t really feel ready to leave, but it doesn’t seem like it will work out for various reasons. I might end up swinging into Pohnpei for a few months next year, but right now who knows. I’m too preoccupied mentally preparing myself to leave Chuuk in a little less than 2 months.

Easter was fun. We had a few days off which were mostly spent relaxing. On Sunday, we went downtown for mass and a pretty decent Easter brunch at Truk Stop. Now that we’ve successfully and significantly entered April, the school is focusing mostly on Track and Field events which are a pretty huge deal among the different schools, and the islands in general. There’s some kind of faculty relay which I think I’m meant to run in, but for the first time since I’ve been here I’m a little sick with a persistent cold and cough, so it might not happen for me.

This past weekend the faculty and staff went to Pisar for our retreat. Some of it was meant to be spent in silence, but one of the Australians and I mostly went off on our own: we waded out to other, smaller islands and walked along the reef to watch the waves break on walls of rock and coral. I did some snorkeling, ate a bunch of coconuts, and lounged around in the hammocks. The last time I went to that island, I was two months into school and now I’m basically two months out. I’m hoping to make it back there once more before I leave, maybe with only a few people so it can be a more intimate experience. I would hate to not be able to see it again. I think it’s really what most people would envision when told about paradise tropical islands or secluded, untouched land.

Speaking of which, there’s so much I want to do before I leave! I guess that’s simply just more incentive to come back and visit sooner rather than later.

This past weekend I went back to Tonoas for the Sophomore Community Service Project. Every class is responsible for fulfilling these hours during the year, and sophomores and juniors usually go off-island to a more remote location. We left Friday around lunch and when we arrived around 3, the island was just as quiet as I remembered from last time – even with 40 high school students in tow. They hung out in the parish hall and played some games and read the letters that other students wrote to them. I took a walk with some other volunteers and found some cool WWII relics – all with some kind of story. We were all assigned host families, and I stayed at mine with two Xavier students who could thankfully both speak Chuukese since my family spoke no English at all. The house was a 15-20 minute walk from the parish, and modest to say the least. Unlike most of the other families, mine had no generator, so there was never power, no bathroom, and no furniture. The house itself was one concrete room with tile floors – dirty, dusty, and dark even in daylight. It was stuffy and morbidly hot. We had no beds of course, and no mats, so we slept on the tiles. The pillow I was given was insect-infested so I opted out of using that as well. We ate every meal on the floor as well – mostly rice, breadfruit, canned meat, and sometimes fish. The “bathroom,” a tin outhouse on the edge of the ocean, was a half mile or so down the road and the “shower,” a single well and bucket shielded from outside eyes by a shoddy wall of sheet metal, was another half mile in the other direction. If you had to use the bathroom late at night or at any other inconvenient time, you had to walk as far away from the other family members as possible and use the mangrove patches by the sea.
Despite the humble living arrangements of my family, my Xavier host sisters kept insisting that we were spoiled there. It was hard to imagine – to be “spoiled” in the States definitely would never mean sleeping on a dirt floor or never having a proper shower. As the weekend progressed however, I realized that being spoiled isn’t necessarily contingent on possessions; it can also point to how you are treated and cared for. My family didn’t have much, but they made sure to give me the best of everything they did have. We ate often, and with every meal they made sure I had an exorbitant amount of food – amounts not even the most excessive American could consume. They would never eat or sleep until I had already eaten or fallen asleep. With the exception of out last meal together, they sat and watched, fanning away the flies and arguing with me that I was not full, even when I insisted. While they did not eat, and my Xavier students only had a plate or so each, I had about 7 or 8 each meal. Everything that was brought out to us was to be “given to Sensei (teacher).” I was respected for being a guest, for being a teacher, and for being white. My tiny host sister followed me everywhere and sat with me, fanning me with palm leaves to keep me cool. On my last day, she would not leave my side and was visibly upset when I finally had to let go of her hand. Instead of having us do chores on Saturday morning, they took us around the island and fed us three times before lunch. After our work at the parish for the CSP, they took us swimming and gave us even more to eat. On my final night, they made me several mar’mars to wear, and on Sunday before I left they made a muu’muu to wear and gave me a huge handicraft made by someone in the family. After mass I noticed about 6 or 7 boxes at the parish hall with my name on it – coconuts, rice, breadfruit, limes, and fish. All my host father asked for in return was one of the pictures I took of all of us together. They asked me to go back and visit, and I want to, but every time I look at my calendar another month has gone by and completely slipped through my ability to fully appreciate it.
The CSP itself went well – the students cleared a hillside which will be used to grow tapioca for the community, and did some other cleaning around the parish. It was a little difficult to get them in the spirit at some points, but overall I think they realized the importance of what they were doing. The students at Xavier have so much more access to everything than people on islands like Tonoas. The need to give back is just as strong as the needs which they are fulfilling. On Saturday night, the students put on an entertainment show for their host families and the community, which I think was much appreciated. I love to see them working together to give spirit and life to others.
One really glaring thing I realized this weekend was that for me, poverty is such a Western creation, and one which we impose on others. I think a lot of people here might disagree with that, partly because poverty often seems so universal and a simple fact of living, and partly because no one who goes somewhere to do service likes to consider that they might be fueling a harmful system at the same time. This is something we can either deny, or choose to contend with and reflect upon. By Western standards, my host family on Tonoas was poor. They certainly didn’t possess the kind of standard of living as the vast majority of Americans, but they also didn’t even have as much as many of the other families on Tonoas. But things like generators, handbags, cell phones, canned food – these are all status symbols introduced by the West. The West introduced economy, it introduced industry, and now there is a notion of “having” and “not having.” Before, as students often tell me, everyone lived from the land using and possessing only what they needed. The community was the landowner, and everything was shared without much sense of material worth. Of course, there were always social ranks – clans and chiefs and things like that, but this was status based on name and blood, not on ipods and hot showers. Being “poor” was never the issue, but now people feel the sting of what it means to not have a good enough job, to not be able to buy the often useless things imported from “the mainland.” It’s a tough balance to strike because I think plenty of people would argue that Westernization only helps these people – better medicine, better food, better quality of life in general, but I tend to disagree with that. There are positive aspects, but for me, these are generally overshadowed by what we don’t do – or what we do wrongly. There is medicine, but hardly anyone but the ultra wealthy can afford decent care. The food we send is canned, processed, and carbonated causing more health problems like the raging diabetes people in the FSM war against. We address problems like the exportation of marijuana, but ignore issues like domestic violence and rape. We send pirated movies, designer sneakers, and knock-off ipods instead of textbooks. We extradite released criminals from Guam and Christian converters rather than sending doctors or educators. Maybe the intention to do good is there, and maybe it’s not – but ignoring the confused state of the FSM as it liminally wallows between tradition and modernization only pours salt in the wounds of issues like rising violent crime, mental illness, and suicide. These things were much less prevalent before the intervention of a “better way of life.” My host family insisted they were poor, and by the standards they are now forced to face they are, but I would never want them to think that way. They were happier and 100 times more generous than the almost obscenely wealthy people I’ve encountered in the past. Not every problem can be traced back to Westernization – it’s a mistake to think so – but thrusting an unsuspecting “undeveloped” region into your way of life cannot possibly only be for the best, especially when they never asked for that in the first place.
Sometimes I feel like my cynicism gets the best of me! Right now, I’m sitting on the porch in the shade watching the deep blue of the ocean move itself along silently, drinking cold coconut water. I have these critical ideas of my surroundings – that’s what true social academia will do to you I think – but I’m happy in the present, tangible moments I spend here. Tonoas was hard, but it was wonderful. I want to help things, but I don’t want to change them, and often it seems like the two cannot be separated.

This weekend at Xavier was Cultural Day. The students spent the day performing traditional dances from their native islands and we watched and ate local foods. The dances were amazing. Among my favorites were the Pohnpeian warrior dance, the Palauan warrior dance, and all the Yapese dances which were so colorful and exciting. The students have an amazing ability to transform themselves from the kids we teach everyday to these incredibly powerful and fierce dancers. We also watched the Pohnpeians prepare a traditional feast out of a pig they killed the night before, and then pound sakao which is made by mashing the root of the plant, mixing it with water, and twisting it into a liquid using the hibiscus plant. It’s a really long and exhausting process, but the students didn’t falter. I was so impressed by their skill and endurance. I don’t think that I could have ever done that in high school, and I don’t really know many people that could have either. The students explained to us the meanings behind a lot of what they did, and the experience of passing down and receiving sacred and traditional knowledge from their families or clans. The demonstrations were fantastic, but it was also kind of sad to realize that a lot of these dances and traditions don’t really occur anymore on most of these islands. I felt like I was back in Guam visiting the Chamorran museum villages – really incredible to see, but sad in that these cultures are disappearing. Such change is inevitable, but most of the students are so immensely proud of what they can do and of what their culture means that it’s somewhat upsetting to know how quickly it’s fading.

There were some people from the Chuukese community who came to watch and the students performed everything outside on a small platform stage set up on the basketball court. After mass and the Pohnpeians’ feast demonstration, we watched about 4 hours of dancing and listened to the stories behind what we saw. At night after the girls left to go home, the Pohnpeian students pounded more sakao for the faculty to have. It was a really peaceful experience to sit in their hut in the dark and relative silence, sharing sakao and I wish that I had more opportunities to take part in things like that. Cultural Day only happens once every two years, so I counted myself very lucky to be able to see it.

Otherwise, it’s been quiet here. The weeks keep viciously moving forward, and I’m getting more and more anxious about leaving. I know this is all going to seem like a wickedly unreal dream in just a few short months.

This past weekend was a busy one! Saturday was the date for the Xavier entrance exam, so schools across Micronesia and on Hawaii administered the test. On Friday, Rey and I went to Tonoas, accompanied by three students who could help us with translations. Tonoas, like Weno, is a lagoon island in Chuuk. Despite its relative closeness to Weno (only Etten might be slightly closer) I found that it seems much more remote. The boat ride over was not what I expected - we were guided by a very small boy with very long fingernails who had a darkened, old kind of expression permanently set on his face. The water was more rough than expected, and the boat so small and shaky we would leap over the water over the waves and land violently back down. It was a really wet ride, but pretty exciting. We landed around 5 just as the sun was starting its slow setting routine. I was stunned at how quiet the island was, and how thick the jungle seemed to be from the dock. The small boy showed us up to St. Anthony’s Parish; a sparkling, largely uninhabited group of buildings. I found out from the groundskeeper that I would be staying with a separate host family instead of the Parish with Rey and the students. This made me a little nervous at first since my own host family at the Korean Research Center back on Weno is vastly different than the majority of host families, and even so I don’t stay there frequently. I was reassured by the students who insisted I was actually the lucky one. We took a walk together through the more heavily condensed jungle areas, discovering some funky old Japanese WWII machinery and then made our way to the Memorial School where the test would be given the next day. We saw an old Japanese bunker, and hospital – both made of concrete and thus impressive in what stature remained, but nonetheless creaky, dilapidated, and crumbled like strange relics. The hospital especially was a unique sight. You could get a sense of its significance, but most of the walls had fallen and so it was left open to the air and encroaching foliage. We spoke to an old man there, somewhat of a relic himself, who spoke little English and little Chuukese, and mostly Japanese. He said he had seen the war happen on his island, and the silence we heard now is sometimes welcomed and sometimes only ghostly.

We returned to the parish around 7 and ate dinner – barbecue chicken, fried reef fish, rice, bananas, coconuts, cucumber, and kon (pounded breadfruit). We were also able to listen in on the musical practice for Diocesan Day, and had some good conversation with the resident pastor, Fr. Julio. One of my sponsor sisters came and picked me up, and I made my way over to their house realizing she did not speak any English. Her mother, Terusa, did speak a good deal of English which put me at ease and she invited me to take a shower and watch movies with them. The entire family – mother, father, sisters, brother, uncle and aunt sat crowded around a tiny laptop screen watching an American movie that none of them could understand except for Terusa and myself. They kept asking me to explain, and I tried in my very basic Chuukese. The room I slept in, and my bed, belonged to my sister and was much bigger and cleaner than my room at Xavier. I slept deeply, trying to forgo the warning of my host mother to keep one eye open for ghosts.

The test itself was given the next morning. It was supposed to start at 8, but instead we began at 9:30 because as expected, several students wandered in late, and it took them a while to understand and complete the registration. The time period for the test was longer than most of their school days, and I felt bad watching the struggle and squirm to complete as much as they could. All the while, small children stood outside peering in the windows trying to make sense of what was going on, and pointing at me, either laughing quietly or staring in disbelief at the unfamiliar white person. Once in a while, one of them would wander in and sit on the floor silently gazing up at their older counterparts. It was amazing to see – in the States, I could only imagine such children being loud, restless distractions instead of quiet, curious onlookers. During the half hour break, I chased some of them around all the while listening to them jokingly call me the Chuukese word for “ghost.” A few of the younger ones wanted me to hold their hand or let them sit on my lap, but a lot of the older ones seemed both excited by my presence, and wary of it. I would chase them, but they would never let me catch them, instead running further into the jungle where they correctly assumed I would not follow.

After the test ended, we took our time walking back and ate lunch at the parish. The entirety of the meal, one of our students conversed with the cook who did most of the talking. I couldn’t understand her, but I was content to just listen to rhythm of her speech and the language. We returned to Weno around 2:30 and spent the next four hours on a bus picking people up and dropping them off, which was a decidedly less fun excursion.

Today marked the beginning of Catholic Schools Week. I woke up at 5:30 am in order to catch the 6:15 bus downtown to Saramen Chuuk Academy where the mass was held. I’m not the biggest morning person, but in the coolness of the early day, I’m pretty certain there’s not much more beautiful than a Micronesian morning. I was rushing though, and barely had a chance to enjoy the sunrise. I was able to sleep a little at Saram before the mass, which was nice, and afterwards all three Catholic schools (Xavier, Saram, and St. Cecilia’s Elementary) ate lunch in the Saram gym and then had a few hours of field-day type games. It was really nice seeing all the schools working together, and to see the older kids helping out the younger ones who really enjoyed being included. We ended at about 2:30 and rode the flatbed truck home, which had to stop in Penia for a downed line (which means we won’t have power for at least a few days) so Meg and I walked home from there. The weekend ends without power, but maybe that means I’ll get a goodnight’s sleep after a long few days.

This was my first weekend back at Xavier after being in Guam for the holidays. Classes went smoothly, especially considering I’m teaching one less. The students seemed happy I was back – a couple of the boys came with the bus to pick me up from the airport, gave me hugs, and told me how much they had missed me. It was a really nice welcome back. I was worried at first that I would have to settle back in and readjust after having all those amenities I’ve been missing out on and getting back into “Western” lifestyles, but it was just the opposite. Guam was fantastic, and incredibly beautiful, but it was also very developed and touristy. There was a lot of capitalization on Chamorran culture, which ironically is now pretty much nonexistent. I wanted to show my family some of the more traditional, cultural aspects of Micronesia so their vacation wouldn’t just be a purely Americanized experience. I think there was a lot of diversity even in the midst of Western usurpation, so it wasn’t completely lacking. I really do hope at some point visiting Chuuk can be on their list – it would be completely different and unforgettable. For me at least, I was so happy to be back, and never realized how comfortable I’ve become here.
This weekend was a nice reintroduction to Chuuk life – Ted-one, Sam, Sammy, and I walked the back way of the island through the jungle to get to Blue Lagoon resort for lunch. It was a beautiful, peaceful walk, and thankfully not as treacherous as I thought. It took about two hours and we saw some great views and met some cute kids who walked with us when we finally reached the villages. The rest of the weekend was pretty quiet; we’re all just getting back into teaching and awaiting the arrival of the new volunteers who will probably come in the next couple weeks.

Sadly, violence on Weno has been drastically increasing. This past weekend, Koi-Koi, a Sapukian who is famous for wandering around sniffing gasoline from a can, was pachinkoed (hit with a Filipino dart) and then stabbed with a machete by a high school freshman in Penia. He somehow survived and is in the hospital waiting to receive blood. If you think there is blood shortage in the states, Chuuk would be a drastic eye-opener. There are definitely not as many people willing to donate in the first place, but there is also no one available to take blood, and generally inadequate facilities in which to store it. Two times that Chuukese people up at Xavier for mass were asked to donate for Koi-Koi, no one arrived to take the blood. Koi-Koi’s simple procedure, as far as I know, still has yet to take place.
Similarly, last Friday, the girls witnessed another act of violence as they took the bus home from Xavier. Near the COM (College of Micronesia) campus, the girls watched from their windows as one man took a butcher knife and started hacking away at another. The girls called the police, but no one responded. Eventually, for safety reasons and because really nothing else could be done, the bus continued to drive away. We only found out about this via another volunteer who happened to be riding the bus downtown; the students mentioned nothing to us, either because they didn’t want us to be worried for their safety, or because, while frightening, such violence here is often not out of the ordinary. Most times, it is the result of turf wars (which might have been the case for Koi-Koi since he was a Sapukian walking in Penia), but sometimes it is also just random.

On a lighter note, this morning was honors assembly for 2nd quarter. I missed the first one because I was sick with some awful parasite and had to go downtown to the clinic (not an experience I ever want to relive). It was really nice to see the students so excited for one another, and the ones who got on honors so proud of themselves. One thing I really enjoy about Xavier is the student community. I think sometimes there are definitely issues and tensions, but for the most part, everyone is so connected and supportive of one another. I really appreciate that kind of environment; I don’t think many schools in the states enjoy such closeness among their students.

Vacation in Guam

Happy New Year!

Tonight is my last night in Guam, and I thought I'd write a quick little note, though it won't do my visit justice. I was here for a little over a week with my parents, brother, uncle, and various visitors. It was a spectacular break (maybe not so restful!) but I actually miss Chuuk, surprisingly more than I thought!

The days preceding Christmas were spent enjoying amenities such as wine, hot showers, and air conditioning. Greg and I visited some beaches, did some gift shopping, and spent Christmas evening with the Mercadian nuns, most of whom are islanders. On Monday, I took my family to Tumon Bay beach, close to the Jesuit residence, in the hopes that they would be revived from jetlag. On Tuesday, we went to Coco's Island, a beach resort about 15 minutes away from mainland Guam by boat. My family tried snorkeling for the first time and my dad and brother accompanied me for boat snorkeling a couples miles out into the lagoon. The snorkeling was way better there than the places I've been to in Chuuk, but the ecosystem is a lot more ravaged by tourism and pollution.
On Wednesday, we did some local stuff at Gef'Pago like coconut grinding and rope making... traditionally Chamorran, but not something very pravelent in Guam anymore which is partly why I wished my parents could have come to Chuuk. We went to Chamorro Village at night, which is like a street fair, but it was incredibly touristy. We did get some local foods and conversation, but most of it was tacky jewelry and clothes. Still, a really interesting mix of cultures and traditions. On New Year's Eve we went to a gorgeous beach in Ritidian Point which is more secluded right outside the jungle and close by to a wildlife refuge. We visited an aquarium and also did some walking around Tumon which is fantastically upscale. There were fireworks that night over Ipau and Tumon Bay, and we were able to watch them from our house. We also had a chance to visit the waterfalls in Talofofo and Two Lovers Point, the highest peak in Guam, for sunset. Last night we classed it up at a fancy hotel restaurant for a last meal. I've just finished packing and am trying to mentally prepare myself for the journey home to Weno. I'm going to miss my family, but if the speed with which last semester flew by is any accurate indication, I'll be seeing them again in no time.

First half: fin.

(This first photo is me with one of my best students, Sinclair. The second is me with a few of the carolers from Tol.)

This past week has probably been one of the most hectic I’ve had so far at Xavier. Final exams began on Tuesday, so both faculty and students were going crazy trying to prepare. I think my finals were relatively easy (maybe TOO easy!) – for the most part, the students finished pretty early and did really well. I mostly stuck with objective questions since they are easiest to grade! :) I also told the students they were free to evaluate my class on the back on their exams. Some of their notes to me were really funny, others were really touching. Here are just a few of them:

Sophomores:
From Sanchez:
Dear Ms. Lydia,
Merry Christmas and a happy new year! You are one of the most beautiful and intelligent teachers I have ever had! Hope 2 c u next semester
LOVE Sanchez
PS looking forward to learning more about other civilizations, especially the Chinese dynasties. That is my favorite out of all cultures.

From Myova:
Dearest Ms. Lydia,
I hope this letter finds you in good condition. Just wanna write to wish you a merry Christmas and advance Happy New Year. It’s a pleasure having you as a teacher. Your class is totally awesome. Like… I never get bored like when I do in the other classes. I’ve been struggling to pass SS class. I thought I wouldn’t get a D but it’s my own fault. I’ll try my very best next semester to get a better grade than this and I’m sorry. I still like your class and you’re still my best teacher Ms. Lydia O’Connor! Ha ha! Lyk 4 reals! So yeah – have fun on your Christmas break and I’ll see you next year. God bless!
With love and care
Mymy_Jury Maram 96
I LOVE U!

From Lyra:
Dear Ms. Lydia,
It’s been a great semester! Thank you for all the good times and for teaching us interesting stuff. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

From Lyma:
Merry Xmas! And happy 2010!
We love and will miz u muah!
Thx 4 everything you’re a great teacha!

From David:
Ms. Lyd,
This test is badass!
-The Great Lelet

From Laura:
I LUV HISTORY!
Thanx 4 a fun semester and have a merry xmas
And tell your brother the tempchix say hi! LOL

From Judina:
MS. LYDIA YOU ROCK! JUDINA LOVEZ YOU!

From Skylynn:
Hey mommy! Happy holidays! See ya next year! LOVE YAH! I’ll miss yah! Enjoy Guam!

From Alex:
Merry X-mas Jera (Marshallese for best friend)! Hope you enjoy your first Christmas in the Micronesia. Thank you for a fun and exciting semester. Please teach us again next semester… Anyways, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! God Bless!

From Andy:
I LOVE U MS. LYDIA!

From Tyrone:
Universal equation: T-Rod + Lyd = <3

From Jasmine:
You’re the most badazz teacher I’ve ever had! Thank you for everything you have taught me! By da way juz droppin by 2 wish u a Merry Xmas and Happy Advance New Year! I and yea say hi to your brother from me! … hehe… like 4 reals!! :)

Juniors:
From Harvest:
Hey Miss Lydia! You’ve been a great teacher throughout the whole semester. You ROCK big time! I wish you could be our teacher again for next semester

From Chris:
Dear Mama Dya:
You have been one of the greatest teachers I’ve ever had. I really like World History and I like the way you teach it. I like you being our teacher. I was pleased to be part of your class. I and the rest of the Argonautz wish that you would teach us some subject next semester.
World History class is a great class. I would like to thank you on behalf of the myself and the other Juniors. Thank you for the movies, games, jokes, laughter, and all those times we had together. Just want to wish you MERRY CHRISTMAS! ENJOY TO THE MAX! PEACE OUR
Love always, 0326

From Ben:
Thanks Ms. Lydia for the best Junior first semester class EVER. Merry Christmas and enjoy grading all these exams! Hehe

From Kalvin:
I do not have any complaints, comments, suggestions about your class because your class ROCKS. I love you!

From Roxanne:
Hey Mama Dia-Dia! …
Just spotting here 2 wish you an elated Christmas and a spicy New Year!! Hope you party hard but be careful! LOL Shake it!
Love always
Aiirox69

From Sinclair:
Merry Christmas to you my friend and Mama Dia. Enjoy your stay in Guam and have a nice new year… thanks for the badass semester and I will see you soon
Sin2 (is hot!)

From Lalo:
Ms. Butterfingers (lol)…
It was great having you… you kind of suck though for ditching us next semester… lol kidding!!!! ENJOY GUAM!
Love ALWAYS
Lalo

From Gayle:
Dearest Mammadya aka Mama Dia, Madya,
Thank you so much for the very fun semester!... it was nice having u as a teajer… have a pleasant Christmas break and may you always be filled with the spirit of joy wherever you are… Merry Christmas and Advanced happy new year!
Love always
Gayhalla234
1234 Reppin

From Correy:
Dear Ms. Beautiful Lydia,
I just want to wish you a Happy Holidays and enjoy your break!! Remember what I told you? … you’re my number one teacher and the most PRETTIEST teacher! I had fun learning in your class … may God bless you next semester!
Your boyfriend,
Correy A.

From Luan:
Hey Ms. Lydia
It was nice having you as a teacher. You rock! It’s always fun talking sazzy with you!! Hahahaha! Anyways, I don’t know why, but I’ve been failing your class. I remember 1st quarter, my grade as an A. Now it’s a C!!! and now that I’m gonna fail this exam, maybe my semester grade would be an F! tsktsktsk. Sorry for that. Anyway, Happy holidays! Hope you enjoy your Christmas break with a joyful heart!
Love always

From LeeRoy:
Sorry Lydia for being nukamach (naughty) in your class everytime you lecture!
Besides that, I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your class and it’s one of the most badass classes! We learn a lot! Hope you enjoy your Christmas vacation! Merry Xmas and Happy new year in advance! Just give me points please! If you give me extra credit, I will buy you dinner at Blue Lagoon! LOVE YOU FROM THE MIDDLE OF MY HEART!!!

From Omekar:
Dearest Ms. Lydia
Hi! I know I know! I should have done this extra credit essay but that would have prevented me from writing this letter to you!
I just wanna say thanks for your teaching and with gracing us with your presence. Thank you for being really understanding and patient, especially with the others (they are so childish! Haha)
I also want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hope you enjoy your break here in Chuuk!
So see you next time, and you see me next time.
Sincerely, Omekar
PS you are very pretty!

From Bridgette:
Dearest Ms. Lydia
I am writing this on my behalf…
I greatly thank you for a wonderful and enjoyable semester. Hope that you enjoy your vacation in Guam with your mother.
Thanx for being a badass teacher. Haha! Have a wonderful Christmas break/vacation and may God bless you…
Oh yeah! Don’t forget to PARTY HARD!!! But be safe and take care.
Merry New Year and Happy Christmas
With lots of love straight from my heart to yours,
Bridgette aka Byiddi 21

Seniors:
From Alex:
Miss Lydia,
Thanks for the great class. Honestly, Lit class is the best because you let us do fun stuff and I hope we have you again. It’s my favorite class because you teach us so many new things and help me think about things in different ways. Sorry if we misbehave in your class, but know that we all love you. Hope you enjoy your weekend and your Christmas break!!

You may or may not be wondering why they all use the word “badass.” This is one of the many “Xaverisms” frequently heard around campus. For the students, badass is not profanity – it’s as innocuous as saying “cool” or “wicked” or something to that effect. It’s become an acceptable word in class, and the students express confusion when new teachers at first scold them or look shocked that they use this word so frequently and in formal settings. It’s a second language word for most of them, so the connotation of being a swear word is not necessarily present. The same is true for certain Chuukese strong words such as “mwasa mwas” (an expletive like damn or shit) – for any students who are not Chuukese, this word has no negative meaning and doesn’t have any strong cultural significance. As such, it is also an expression used frequently around campus and sometimes in class whereas in Chuukese culture, this is not a word men would ever use around women and vice versa and one which would certainly not be used in a formal environment or in front of authority figures. Students also invent words like “pissifying” which just means annoying or agitating, as in “that exam was really pissifying.” English and certain Micronesian languages are often morphed by the students to create their own, unifying language system that bonds the incredibly diverse and linguistically fraught Xavier community together.
You might also be wondering why many of the students express hope that I’ll be back next semester to teach them. Sadly, students here have become accustomed to teachers coming and going – rarely does anyone stay beyond two years. Some teachers, like the Australians, leave in the middle of the school year so for the students, there is never any certainty who will teach their classes. But, with the exception of the juniors for whom world history is only one semester, I will be teaching all the same students the same subjects next semester.
Another interesting thing to note in these little letters is the use of nicknames. This, as well as some of the spelling and grammar, has a lot to do with the “gangster” culture with which many young Micronesians identify themselves. It’s interesting to see the aspects of Western culture that infiltrate and impact the styles and behaviors of youths on a more global scale. Even though hip hop and violent movies are not the only taste of Westernization young people in Micronesia have, I think the aggression and control associated with the gangster lifestyle gives many of them a feeling of power in the midst of powerlessness – poverty, unemployment, bad healthcare, substandard education, etc. Sadly, violence is often the result as gangs are prevalent in Chuuk, but even the students at Xavier who are not the perpetrators of violence still express a strong adherence to gangster culture. They draw mock teardrop tattoos under their eyes, almost exclusively listen to rap and hip hop, dress in conventionally “black” styles, create their own little groups and cliques with inventive names, and tag their homework, tests, desks, lockers, and clothing with their nicknames. They’ve given me various nicknames, and it’s generally some sign of belonging or inclusion – or importance.
Finally, what I thought was interesting is the interchangeability of some of the letters. In Gayle’s note for instance, she spells “teacher” “teajer.” This is because many Micronesian languages, including Chuukese, are traditionally unwritten languages and are really just starting to become standardized in terms of spelling. As a result, certain letters become interchangeable depending on the context, or even just the person who’s spelling them. One student’s nickname is Kijo. When I asked him if that’s spelled with a “j” or a “ch,” he replied that it didn’t matter – either way was fine. The same with “b” and “p” and for Chuukese speakers, “n” and “d.” I think that’s why students like writing in “internet language” so much because phonetic and ever-changing spelling is acceptable (i.e. spelling “like” “lyk”).

The last day of final exams was also the last day for the Australians. I haven’t felt that sad since I was leaving home. I think I took it the worst out of all the volunteers, maybe because they were the first friends I made in Micronesia and I associate them with feelings of comfort and relief after a long trip of anxiety and fear of what I was about to encounter. The Xavier students gave them a send-off on Tuesday by giving speeches and blessings in the student center, as is tradition. The day before they left, I tried to spend a little time with all of them, but it still didn’t necessarily feel satisfactory. The trip to the airport was emotional for everyone. I waited by the terminal until they all went in, dressed up in mar mars from their host families and students, and I wondered what they were feeling, and what I will feel when I leave. I’m not sure I’ll anticipate going home as much as I thought I would, not because I don’t miss it, but because this place will fade for me after I’m gone. I’ve already talked to Robin a few times on skype, and it still seems surreal that people who were always around me all the time for five full months are just suddenly gone. The attachments one can make in such a short period of time are astounding and unreal. Before they left, they packed up draft items for us (small, random things they leave behind that we are free to take). I’m now in possession of a large conch shell, an umbrella, a CD case, organic peanut butter and honey, some school supplies, a paper fan, a torn-up Australian flag, pairs of shorts, t-shirts, a koala keychain, and most importantly, a letter from Robin which meant the most. Visitors expressed some confusion as to why we would want these things and there’s really no answer other than that these are all iconic things we associate with close friends whom we spent every day with. Wearing their clothes and using their things, as mundane as those things might be, are small reminders of them – really the only things we have left of them. For me, the campus feels a lot more lonely, empty, and quiet, not helped by the fact that since school is out, I’m a lot less occupied. Guam is the next big thing on my list, and I need it to take my mind off the chaos of the end of this semester!

The day after the Australians left was the school picnic on Pisiwi, a small island in Chuuk lagoon. It wasn’t as nice or as aesthetic as Pisar, but it was still a beautiful island. The boat ride over was long and bumpy, but as usual the students kept me entertained. Much like on Pisar, the water was completely clear, and I combed the beach side looking for small shells and pieces of coral. We swam, snorkeled, ate local foods, and to the students’ mystification, I slept on the sand in the sun. Some of the Yapese students climbed coconut trees and husked them. Others played ukulele and guitar, built fires, and just generally relaxed. On the tent that had been set up by the senior boys the night before was the Yapese flag on which is a picture of a canoe and one of the Yapese students explained that the traditional, indigenous name for Yap is actually Waqab (Wab), but when white explorers came, they pointed to the flag asking what the name of the place was. The indigenous people thought they were pointing to a part of the canoe on the flag, which is called a yap, and so that’s the word they gave them, and that’s how the island became known as Yap. Between these cultural stories and having some of the students tutor me in Chuukese and Marshallese, I sometimes feel like I am learning more from them than they are from me.

The rest of the weekend has been quiet. Yesterday, a large group of children from Tol (another island in Chuuk) came to sing Christmas carols for us. The songs were unrecognizable to me, but they included a lot of singing and dancing. The enthusiasm that goes into ceremonies and celebrations is really unlike anything in the States, especially in regards to school children. We made lunch for them and let them play around campus. It was explained to us that this would probably be the biggest Christmas present they could receive. I’m not sure if that’s true or not, but they seemed to really enjoy performing, and enjoyed even more the chance to play basketball and volleyball and just run around with some of the Xavier boys. As difficult as it is to get into the conventional Christmas spirit in 90 degree weather surrounded by sand and palm trees, it’s not totally impossible to still garner the generosity and joy associated with the season. I hope the feeling lasts until Guam – only four days left!

This post is a monster. Apologies!